A New Take On An Old Topic

Sometimes I feel like the world is a crazy, mixed up, backwards place. The ways things work have changed over the course of history. Instead of honest, brave men being elected President, we instead have smooth-talking, mendacious liars who wouldn’t understand the concept of a promise if it hit them repeatedly in the face running our country. Even in just the 25 years I’ve been alive, things have changed. As a child, I knew for a fact that girls liked boys who were nice to them and avoided the ones who were mean. It’s just the way it was. Today, however, the opposite seems to be true, which is what I’d like to talk about today.

There’s a very old saying that nice guys finish last. I don’t think I fully understood that saying until I was well into my dating career. I have my own version of that saying that may seem a bit facetious, but is more or less true. If dating is a race, then I believe that nice guys don’t finish last. Instead, nice guys get their kneecaps broken in the locker room by the head cheerleader before the race even starts. Colorful, no? I may have fully believed that saying when I came up with it, but I’m not sure how much I do now, but it’s still funny to say, if only to get people to question your sanity.

Several months ago my singles ward had a guest speaker come and talk to us about dating. (I think the Bishopric was trying to tell us something.) She handed out a list of the 20 things men don’t know about women and the 20 things women don’t know about men. Number 3 on the former list was “Women are turned off by men who are too nice.” The speaker elaborated on this by saying that men who are too nice are seen as weak, which is unattractive to women. Now, I’m sure that this statement isn’t true for every woman out there, but I’m also sure that the speaker wouldn’t have included it on the list without some sort of facts to back it up.

If you ask anyone who knows me decently well, they’ll tell you that I’m too nice. I’ve even had people tell me that me being too nice is going to be my ultimate downfall and will probably kill me eventually. I asked them how they figured I would die from it and they pointed out the fact that I care more about everybody else and their well being than I do for myself. I couldn’t argue with them, so I seceded from the argument.

So, what does a guy like me do to change something like that? I really don’t have it in me to be a mean person. I think I missed that firmware update. So what do I do? I’m sure there must be a way for me to continue being nice without seeming like a doormat to everybody and their dog. I’d like to be able to find a girl that is going to appreciate the fact that I’m a nice guy who actually cares about her feelings, her happiness and her well being. After reading that last sentence, I had to laugh, mostly at the world. Why would it be such a turn off to a girl to date a guy who cared about her that much? Has the world changed so much that kindness and affection are scoffed at while discourtesy and disrespect are lauded as admirable traits in a companion? Again, sometimes I feel like the world is a crazy, mixed up, backwards place.

What does everybody else think though? Girls; am I way off base in thinking that there’s no room left in the world for a genuinely nice guy? Have any of you dated a guy that was ‘too nice’? What exactly did they do to earn the label of ‘too nice’ and why was that a turn off? Guys; have you had any of the same struggles in dating? If you’ve been labeled as ‘too nice’, do you see yourself changing your habits any time soon? Let me know in the comments.

I feel like I’ve targeted girls too much in this post, so my next one will be aimed more at the male population.

I'm Fine Where I Am, Thank You

Alright, I'm LDS, single, and almost 24, so you can probably guess that the pressure for me to get married is coming in full bore. I'm getting the pushed towards matrimony by my parents, my bishopric, my friends, random strangers. Pretty much everyone. There's that saying in the LDS Church that says: "If you're 25 and unmarried, you're a menace to society". I know it was said by a prophet, but I don't think that makes it doctrine, no matter how much people wish it was.

The thing is; I'm happy being single. I'm enjoying life as a single adult, and I think I want to continue enjoying it for a while longer. Yes, I'd eventually like to get married and start a family, but I don't see why everyone wants me to rush into it. Marriage is a big decision, probably the biggest one I'm ever going to take, and I don't want to botch it up. When I get married, I want to be certain that I've made the right choice. No, I'm not saying that I'm waiting for "The One" to come into my life, you all know I don't believe in "The One". I'm just saying that I want to be sure that the person I'm marrying is going to be right for me.

I was almost engaged a little over a year ago. She broke things off before I actually proposed. I was sad at the time, but looking back on that relationship, it would have been a huge mistake for me to marry her. She was completely wrong for me in every sense of the word. My point is; I was totally enthralled by the idea of getting married that I started to ignore the blatant fact that the girl was not the type of girl I wanted to marry.

Anyway, I didn't want this to be a rant post, it's more just me musing. I've had several friends tell me recently that the pressure for them to get married is driving them insane. A few of them are starting to cave under the pressure. They're no longer dating to have fun, but are on the prowl for their special someone, which is a bad idea, in my mind. Both guys and gals can tell when you're scoping them out for marriage and it can make them feel uncomfortable to be around you, which you don't want. I'm a huge believer that you should be dating to have fun. When you're on a date just to have fun you act differently than when you're trying to hunt down a spouse. If you're just trying to have fun, you're obviously going to be more fun to be around. The date will probably end better and you'll probably have a better chance at getting Date #2. However, when you're only going on dates so that you can get married, the other person might get scared away. You're going to say things that you wouldn't normally say and do things that might come across as odd. All of this is because you're going to be putting that same pressure to get married that you're feeling onto the other person whether you realize it or not.

What do the rest of you think? Do I make a good point or am I totally off base? How many of you are dealing with pressure to get married and how are you dealing with it if you are? Who are you getting pressure from?

Bomb Dates

Okay, I'm sure I've told you plenty of thoughts and ideas I've had for dates, some of them were probably good, some not so good. But, have any of you ever been on a date that just tanked? I'm not talking about a date where you felt awkward around the other person. No, I'm talking about a date that will go down in your personal history as a terrible, no good date; a date that followed all the laws of Murphy. (Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.)

I've had a couple that I can think of. I won't share the gritty details of them, but I'll just say this: I still use the stories of those dates to scare small children into never wanting to date. I mean, they were some of the worst experiences of my social life. I'm not saying that the person I was with was a terrible person or anything like that, but it just seemed that we didn't really "click" and probably never would, but we were stuck with each other for at least a few hours, although it seemed like much longer to me.

I think I actually will share one of my bad dating experiences with you. One date in particular stands out to me. It was actually the first date I ever went on, ironically. It was my junior year of high school and I had been asked to the Christmas dance by a very good friend or mine. It seemed that it would be a great way to start dating. But, alas, such was not to be. Everything seemed to crash on this date. During the day activity I think I only saw my date once, as she seemed to want to hang out and talk to anyone but me. Dinner was really the only part of the date that seemed to go well, although my date once again seemed more interested in the other people at the table. As for the actual dance? Well, my date and I slow danced for about 25 seconds of one song, then she decided that she'd much rather drag me around the room and talk to her friends. I think I said maybe one complete sentence to my date the whole time we were there. Needless to say, it wasn't the grand entrance into the dating scene that I'd hoped for.

I could go on with other horror stories from my dating life, but I think I'd much rather hear from the rest of you. Have you been on a particularly terrible date? What made it so bad? Was it the person you were with? The activity? The doorstep scene? Share your stories with us.

I'm No Professional

First off, I’d like to apologize for my absence. I’ve been really trying to think of things to write about, but where this is a dating blog, and I haven’t really been doing much dating, I’ve been hard up for things to write about. But, I’ll really try to be better at regular posting again.

Okay, I know that I’m nowhere near qualified to give advice on dating, especially where I have so much trouble with it myself, but I thought I might give some advice to those of you who are dealing with heartbreak at this time. Break ups are hard for everyone, and they are also going to feel different for each person in each relationship. When two people break up, one person is usually going to feel much worse than the other person. Although, hopefully, the person who did the breaking up is sad as well, because if you break someone’s heart and don’t feel any kind of remorse, that’s just terrible.

Possibly the best advice I can give to anyone going through a breakup is this: don’t keep the sadness and hurt that you’re undoubtedly feeling bottled up inside you. Let things out, vent to your friends and family, write about it in a blog or journal. You’re supposed to feel sad and hurt, so let people know that’s how you’re feeling. If they are really your friends, they’ll listen and feel sad for you. If you keep feelings of any kind, but especially sadness, bottled up inside you, they are going to become harder and harder to deal with when they finally do surface. Feelings are a lot like money in that sense, but instead of saving them, you need to spend them as fast as you can, or else they’ll grow bigger and more difficult to handle.

I would also like to say that, after the breakup has happened, it’s probably not your best idea to immediately start back into the dating world. You’re going to have feelings to deal with that could mess up any relationship that might come your way, be it small or large. When you’ve been through a breakup, you’re going to feel alone and vulnerable and will begin to reach out to anyone who you think can fill the void that has been created in your world. The biggest problem with this is that you’re going to try to get right back to where you were in your last relationship, but with a new person, and that’s not a good thing. As hard as it will be, you will want to take your time with dating. It’s normal for people to jump straight into what is called a “rebound relationship”. Rebound relationships are usually started and ended fast and will leave you feeling emptier than you did before. Just remember to pace yourself when you finally do decide to start dating again. Go on dates, but try to avoid getting too serious too fast.

I know that, this being an LDS dating blog, the church leaders look down on “hanging out” over dating, but when you’re just barely back into the dating scene, sometimes hanging out is better for you. You’re going to meet more people that you might like to ask out when you’re with a group of people than you will when you’re on a one-on-one date. If you happen to go to a singles ward, try to go to the ward activities. Those are great ways to meet other people you might be interested in. I know that most singles wards do a ward Family Home Evening every week, and I highly recommend going to it. Other than getting a spiritual uplift, you’re going to have a chance to mingle with other people your age who have the same values as you do, which is nice.

So, what about the rest of you? Do any of you have advice for people who are going through a hard breakup? Let’s try to get another discussion going in the comments. Help each other out.

Lies in Love

Alright, we’ve all told a lie at least once in our life, so don’t deny it. Most lies are told on purpose, but there are some lies that we tell that we don’t realize aren’t the truth. I’m going to talk about those types of lies today as they pertain to dating.Yes, many, many people will lie when it comes to dating, and I’m not just talking about when a teenager tells their parent’s that they love someone (when they really don’t) just so they can grind their parent’s gears. I’m talking about the unintentional lies that we tell others as well as ourselves.

There’s one particular dating lie I’d like to focus on and that’s the lie we tell when someone asks us what we look for in someone from the opposite sex. Girls, you will almost always say that you look for someone who is kind, caring, loving, supportive, sweet, funny, and who will treat you they way you deserve to be treated. But, for most girls, this is a big lie. If these traits were really something you looked for in a guy, there wouldn’t be as many guys matching that description that are single. Think about it; when a girl breaks up with a guy, how often do you hear her say that she broke up with him because he was too nice or too caring? It’s almost never. No sane girl will break up with a guy because he’s a wonderful person. Nearly 75% of the time the girl will break up with him because he is a rude, mean, uncouth, spiteful, vindictive, uncaring jerk. The other 25% of the time, it’s because the girl doesn’t really know what she wants in a guy or she has found someone else who they would rather be with.

Just so you gals don’t think I’m focusing on just you; guys, you do this too. Most guys will say that they want a girl who is smart, funny, and sexy and who accepts us for who we are. Other than sexy, most guys don’t really mean it when they say that, especially when it comes to the girl being smart. Usually, if a girl is smart, it means that she is smarter than the guy (usually by quite a bit), and while we guys find this to be a commendable trait, we also find it just a bit intimidating. That’s not to say that guys are going to look for a girl with the I.Q. of a bump on a log, nor does it mean that girls should dumb themselves down to make themselves more attractive to a guy. (Please, girls, don’t do that.) It just means that we have to be careful about the people we date. Girls; if you happen to be a bit smarter than a guy, don’t rub it in our faces. Guys; if a girl is smarter than you don’t let that ruin a good relationship. Well, I’ve gotten off on a bit of a tangent here. Let’s get back to the subject at hand.

Lies; they’re not good in any context, so why do we all tell them? Wouldn’t dating be much easier if we all just told the truth about what we look for? Girls; if you’re going to say that you want a wonderful, caring guy, then actually look for one. When you’ve found one, treat them the same way you expect them to treat you. You want him to treat you like you’re the best thing to ever walk the face of the earth? Then you should treat him likewise. Relationships are a two way street, you can’t treat a guy like dirt and still expect him to be nice to you. Guys; try focusing on traits in a girl other than sexiness. Yes, I know that physical attractiveness is essential in a relationship, but that shouldn’t be the only thing you look for. It’s nice in a relationship to have a girl that you can actually have an intelligent conversation with, and for that, you’re going to need to find someone who actually has more in their head than bits of fluff and the occasional tumbleweed. It can be intimidating when a girl is smarter than you, but try to look past that.

All in all, I think the world needs to be a little bit more honest, at least as far as dating is concerned. What does everyone else think? We had some good discussions in the last post, let’s try for that again.

It's A Cruel, Cruel World...

Quick note: I don’t want anyone to think that I’m trying to be vindictive towards anyone in particular. This post is just random thoughts I’ve had recently that I thought I’d throw out there for you.I’d like to tell you all a story about a friend of mine who goes to the same singles ward as I do. I’m not going to say his name; we’ll just refer to him as Jack.

A little less than a year ago, Jack met a girl who he got along well with, and who got along well with him. The two of them started going out together and liked each other more and more. A few months passed and Jack decided to ask this girl to marry him, to which she said yes. Everyone who knew these two thought that this was a rather smart decision because Jack and his girl fit each other’s personalities so well. Jack was happy, very happy. Unfortunately, a few weeks after the two became engaged, the girl told Jack that they couldn’t get married anymore and broke off the engagement as well as the whole relationship. Jack was very, very sad.

Jack is a good friend of mine so, naturally, I did my best to comfort him. I told him all the useless platitudes: “There is still a girl out there waiting for you” and the like. I knew they didn’t really help, but there’s not much else you can say in a situation like this. Telling a friend that there is still someone out there for them right after they get dumped by the person they thought was that someone isn’t really helpful to anyone. But, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today.

I want to open the floor to discussion. What do you do when you lose that person who made you feel happier than you’ve ever dreamed you could feel? How do you handle it? I could share numerous occasions where I’ve had to deal with losing someone I cared about (some recent, some not so recent), but I won’t bore you with that. (Maybe I will later.) Here’s a question for you: What do you do when you meet someone who you hit it off with almost immediately, go on a few dates with, and then find out that they have a boyfriend that they’re pretty serious with? By the by, what’s the point of going on dates with people when you are already seeing someone? Are you just trying to break people’s hearts by leading them on then telling them that nothing will happen between the two of you? It’s either that, or you really aren’t that serious with anyone. Pick one.

Here’s another story I’d like to share with you about a friend I used to work with. He and I were pretty close when we were working because neither of us has served a mission and have had to deal with the consequences of our decision (see some of my previous posts if you want to know what some of those consequences are). Again, I won’t say his name. We’ll call him Jeff. Anyway, I got an email from Jeff a couple of weeks ago in which he let me know about some of the problems he’s having right now. Apparently, he has the same issues with return missionaries that I do. Jeff has been “going steady” with a girl for about 8 months now and finally decided to pop the question to her. Her answer: “No, because I’m waiting for my missionary to come home.” Jeff was heartbroken, as anyone would be. Not only was his proposal rejected, but it turns out that Jeff had been lied to for 8 months by a girl he thought he would marry. It’s pretty hard to take in, I’m sure. I wasn’t sure what to tell Jeff. So I just told him that he’d be better off without her because, let’s be honest, if a girl doesn’t have the decency to tell you that she’s waiting for a missionary until you’ve dated for 8 months, she’s really not somebody you’d want to spend your life with. He knew that I was right, but that didn’t really help how he was feeling. It really wouldn’t be easy for anyone to deal with; being led around by the nose for that long only to be pulled off a cliff and down into the turbulent sea of despair and deceit.

So, how do we deal with something like that? (I’m using ‘we’ as inclusive for anyone who’s been in a similar situation, gals included.) What are we supposed to take away from the relationship once it’s over? Something like this will leave us with a lot of unanswered questions, and nobody likes those. Let me know how you'd handle a situation like these.

Follow Me, Follow You

Yes, I know I already did a post today, but I ran across this and wanted to get everyone’s opinion on the matter.

http://laurabelle89.blogspot.com/2009/07/my-boy-boycott.html is one of the blogs that I follow; it belongs to a good friend of mine, Laura. In this particular post, Laura talks about the “Boy Boycott” that she is currently on. She’s had it with guys and is giving up dating for a while. To quote her: “Guys are dumb… or at least the majority of them are.” She explains the reason for the boycott thus: “I’m not certain I want to deal with all that goes along with dating.” She also goes on to talk about the stresses that this is causing. Guys just don’t seem to get the point that she doesn’t want to go out with them and continue to ask her out over and over. What does everybody think about that? It reminds me of a post I did a while ago about persistence being a virtue or not. If a girl tells you “No, I don’t want to go out with you” that should be it, right? You’ve gotten your answer. But, again, there’s the other side to look at. Can persistence be a good thing in the long run? You know, having that “never say never” attitude has helped people through history, but does it apply here? If a girl has made it clear that she absolutely doesn’t want to date you, or anybody else, should you keep trying?

According to the guys Laura mentions in her blog, a boycott is a dumb idea, but in my opinion, it’s a great idea. Sometimes a break from dating can be a good thing, it gives you a chance to spend some time on yourself and to reorganize your thoughts. So kudos to you, Laura, you stick to what you feel you should be doing and don’t let anyone make you feel different.

(Yes, I know this is kind of just a repeat of a previous post, but this time I have an actual example to use, so I’m using it.)

In Retrospect...

I’ve been reading through some of my older posts and I’ve noticed something similar with all of them. They all seem to deal with the woes of dating and never the good things about it. So, I planned to type up a post today that talked specifically about the good things related to dating. I got about 3 sentences in and quit. I just couldn’t do it without sounding insincere. Besides, isn’t there an old saying that goes something like: “Write about what you know.”? And I’ve had way more experience with the bad side of dating, so that’s what I write about. I’m not trying to say that there aren’t good things about dating, because there are. I just can’t think of any that are post worthy.

This brings an interesting thought to my mind. Why are there so many more bad things about dating than there are good things? Is it because we only seem to notice the bad things and ignore the good? I think it might have to do with us as a society and our liking of bad news. Which is why when you turn on the evening news, there’s mostly stories of murder, sexual deviance and natural disasters. Then, to cap all of that off, they will do one story about something cute or funny or happy that has happened. I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the line people stopped focusing on good things.

But, you’d think with something as fun as dating, people would try to remember the good times they’ve had. But such doesn’t seem to be the case. Instead of reminiscing about that date we went on that was so wonderful and where everything worked out perfectly, we’ll instead think back to that time we took a girl out and everything went wrong and the girl asked to be taken home early. Why do we do it? Do we, deep down, enjoy being miserable? And this doesn’t just apply to dating; it applies to breaking up as well. Think about it, when a girl (or guy) breaks up with you, how often do you think back and say: “Wow, we really had some good times together”? You don’t, do you? Instead you’ll try to remember all the fights you got in with that person, or all the things about them that you didn’t like. With break ups there’s a reason we do this. It’s so we can protect our hearts from hurt. If we spent our time thinking of the good times we had with our ex, we’d just miss them more and we’d become more and more morose. But, even when we’ve only been on one date with a person, we’ll tell stories about the awkward or strange moments to people instead of how, when the two of you finally locked eyes, you really felt something for them. That story will go untold, whereas the story about how you kept giving her flat tires or stepping on her toes will be told and retold numerous times.

So, why do we do it? Are we all truly masochists? That might be it, but I think there might be a more pleasant explanation for it. When we experience an “awkward” moment on a date, it’s usually a result of one of the two people acting like themselves. Think about it. How many dates have you been on where you truly acted like yourself? It’s probably not that many. When we’re on a date with someone, we put on a different persona so that we’re more pleasing to the other person. Awkward moments usually happen when that different persona slips and our “normal” self comes out. And the reason we remember those awkward moments? My guess would be that it’s because of how the other person reacts to “yourself”. If they react in a good way, we’ll remember it because we like the fact that they are okay with how you normally are. If they react in a bad way, we’ll remember it for the opposite reason.

As usual, this is just my speculation on the subject. I’d love to hear what my faithful readers have to say. Leave a comment and let me hear your thoughts.

Why Return Missionaries Have Ruined the Dating Scene in Utah

That’s right; I’m attacking return missionaries in this post. Why, you ask? Because it’s about flogging time that somebody did. I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t like return missionaries, because that’s not true. Most of my best friends are return missionaries, my older brother is one, and my younger brother is going to be in just 5 short months. I think return missionaries are great, but they have made life hard for those of us that didn’t serve missions. I know you probably think I’m being spiteful, and I am, sort of, but with good reason, so hear me out.

Let’s take the average missionary returning home after their 2 years of service. Hopefully, you’ve performed admirably on your mission and will be released with honor. Now you start into your “normal” life, but it’s not going to be normal really, not if you live in Utah. You’ve just become a celebrity. People are going to see you and raise you up on a pedestal high above anyone or anything else. But, it’s not your fault. I’d like to emphasize that here. Return missionaries don’t ask for the praise and adoration they receive, but they’re going to get it whether they want it or not; which is why it’s not their fault that they’ve ruined the dating scene here in Utah.

Anyway, I need to tie this into dating. When I talk about RMs getting praise and adoration from everyone they come across, I mean EVERYONE. Especially young women. Young women of the LDS church have been taught from an early age that they are supposed to marry a young return missionary as soon as they possibly can. It’s been drummed into their heads so much that they don’t even realize how biased and uppity they have become where dating is concerned. If you read my blog regularly, you’ll remember the story I told about two people meeting in a grocery store, dating for a while, and then finding out they are from two different religions. The same thing happens within the LDS religion. A girl and a guy could meet randomly in, oh, let’s say they meet at a movie theater. They talk for a while, find out that both are LDS and become totally infatuated with each other. (We’re going to pretend that the topic of a mission didn’t come up at all. Yes, I know that’s really pushing it.) The two exchange phone numbers and begin courtship. They go on a couple of dates which only increase the feelings of like they have for each other. They talk together on the phone when they’re not together and find out that they have tons of stuff in common with each other. (Yes, we’re still pretending that they haven’t mentioned missions yet. Impossibility, I know, but this is my story.) One night the two decide to watch a movie. The girl chooses “The RM” and pops it in. About 30 seconds into the opening credits, the girl turns to the guy and asks in as innocent a voice as she can: “Speaking of missions, where did you serve on yours?” The guy looks uncomfortable as he replies with: “Oh, I… I didn’t go on a mission.” The girl immediately pulls away from under his arm and stares accusingly at him. At that point, the relationship is over. She just can’t be with a man who didn’t dedicate 2 years of his life to serving. It doesn’t matter how valid of a reason the guy gives her, she can’t be with him. The guy will leave her house that night single once again and will likely never see the girl again, no matter how much he wants to.

Before everyone asks, no, this didn’t happen to me. I doubt it has ever happened exactly like that to any guy, and there’s a good reason why. LDS girls living in Utah will never let a relationship get past the first date without finding out where a guy served his mission. Some won’t even let the relationship get past “Hi, my name is so-and-so” before they ask him about his mission. I’d also like to take a moment to point out that it’s not always the girl’s choice to think and feel the way they do about RMs. I’ve already said that they’ve had it pounded into their heads since they were old enough to stand. No, most girls aren’t that judgmental on their own. They have their parents to thank for making them so shallow.

In my experience, it doesn’t matter how great a guy is, the girl will still reject him if he didn’t serve a mission. A guy could be a Nobel Prize winner and, unless he served, he still wouldn’t have a chance with a Utah LDS girl. And, according to friends who live elsewhere, it really is just the LDS girls in Utah who feel this way.

Anyway, I’d better wrap this up before it gets any longer. I’ll just end by saying this: Girls; learn to step outside the confines that have been placed in your mind by family and church leaders and try to see a guy for who he really is, mission or no. You never know when you’re going to pass up a great guy who could have made you happier than you ever have or will have been just because you can’t see past the menial fact that he didn’t serve a mission. Also, if you find out that a guy you like didn’t serve a mission, don’t judge by that. Ask questions as to why he didn’t. You may find out that a mission wouldn’t have worked for him.

And that’s where I’ll end today. Sorry this post is so long, but it’s a subject I feel strongly about. Let me know how you feel about it in the comments.

Two Rants In A Row?

Well, I had so much fun ranting last time that I think I’m going to do it again today. So, get ready for some more of my accusations and such.

First off, I’ve got a question that could be aimed at both gals and guys. Why do we always seem to want to date the single person that is going to forever be un-date-able for us? Either they obviously do not like us, or the two of us would never work out. This kind of goes back to one of my older posts about music. If I like to listen to heavy metal and the girl I want to take out hates it, then, obviously, there are going to be all kinds of problems with us later on. So, why do we do it? Why set our sights on someone that is so far out of our reach that we’ll never catch them? I really don’t understand it. And I’m not trying to imply that I never do this. I do it all the time, but why? Is it just our need to attain the unattainable that drives us to do it? The world may never know.

Another question I have for girls is this: Are so many of you as shallow as you come across? I can’t count the number of times that a girl has told me that they could never date so-and-so because they have too long of hair, or not enough hair, or some other silly little thing like that. Are things like that really so important that you wouldn’t date someone because of it? And if so, how did you get that way? Is it because of the world around us? Is it because the media tells us to be beautiful and love those that are beautiful? I know that this doesn’t apply to all girls, but it does to quite a few of them. And, yes, I am aware that a lot of guys feel the same way about the girls they date. But, what drives us to feel that way? What about those of us who aren’t “beautiful people”? What are we supposed to do?

I’d also like to know why it is that when a guy is in a relationship, girls don’t feel the least bit awkward around them, but when they are single, it’s like we become some kind of creature that girls feel the need to avoid. I’ve noticed that this happens a lot in the LDS church. So, what is it that causes these feelings in women of the church? We guys are the same person whether we’re single or in a relationship, yet you all treat us differently depending on our relationship status. Are these feelings caused by some fear that we, heaven forbid, might ask you out now that we’re not dating someone steadily? If so, what would be the problem with us asking you out? Are you worried that because we ask you on one date that it automatically means we want to marry you? If so, that’s just silly. It is possible to go on a date with someone without having to worry about spending time and all eternity with them. Some of us just like to go on dates to have fun and get to know you.

But, that’s enough of my ranting for today. Oh, and I’m sorry about not posting for almost a week. Again, I don’t have internet at home so the only place I can really post anything is at work, and we’ve been short staffed this past week, so I haven’t had time to type anything up.

As usual, I’d like to get input on these topics, so leave some comments.

Stop! It's Ranting Time!

I think it’s high time I did some complaining. So, I’m going to take some time today to rant to all of you about some of the things that are stressing me when it comes to dating. Yes, I know that I kind of already do that, but today it’s going to be more…accusatory. So, get ready for some ranting.

First off I’d like to get a few things off my mind where girls are concerned. Girls: Why on earth do you do such a good job of making a guy think you like him and then cruelly informing him that you have no romantic interest in him? Why do you lead us all on so much? If you like us, just tell us. The same goes for if you don’t like us. Don’t spend weeks (months, even?) acting like you are interested romantically if you’re not. Guys for the most part are not too extremely bright. We won’t usually catch your subtle little hints that you’re trying to send to us. We need to be told in plain English what you think. Don’t drag us through some interminably long rigmarole only to let us know that you just don’t like us that way. Guys tend to get attached to a girl faster than the girl will to the guy, so when you lead us on, it’s that much harder for us to get over you when you leave us. Also, while I’m on the topic, why do girls get themselves into a relationship with a guy when they know deep down that they don’t like the guy enough to marry him? What’s the point of that? And don’t tell me it’s to learn from. Getting into a relationship with a guy just so you can learn from it and then dump the guy is terribly rude and cruel. If you don’t feel that you could ever like someone enough spend your life with them, don’t stay with that person for several months to see if things will change. There may be the chance that they will, but that chance is pretty slim. They say that first impressions are hard to change, so the feelings you have for a person are going to be the same no matter how long you date them.

Now, just so that it doesn’t seem like I’m only picking on the girls, I’m going to chew out my fellow guys for a second. Guys: what the heck ever happened to chivalry? It just astounds me nowadays how many guys don’t even open doors for a girl they’re with. It may just be me (but I hope it’s not) but I always open doors for a girl. Car doors, house doors, store doors, you name it, I hold it open. It’s just second nature to me. But apparently not all men feel the same way. This leads me to one more complaint for the girls: Let us guys open doors for you! If you know that a guy is going to try to hold a door open, don’t try to beat him to the door just so you can open it instead. I’ve dated two different girls who would fight me about opening the doors. Just let us do it. We’re not trying to secretly treat you like we’re better, we’re just doing it to be nice, so let us be nice. Anyway, back to the guys. I know that when a girl breaks up with you, it’s a really hard thing to handle, but cowboy up a bit. Things are always going to work out for the better and you don’t need to spend years pining for your lost love. Besides, when you’re moping about like that, you’re ruining any chance you have of meeting another girl. Girls like to see strong men and when you whine and complain about how hurt you are, it’s really a turn off. It’s fine for you to be sad about it, but you don’t need to let every single person you run into know how sad you are. I would say that this applies to girls as well, but it doesn’t. Girls are much better at hiding their emotions from the world, so nobody really knows how sad they are. They just have other ways of letting it out. Guys, on the other hand, seem to feel the need to share their grief with every person they come across that pays them any attention.

Well, that felt good. I think I might make Fridays my weekly ranting day on this blog. Sorry if anyone was offended by anything I said in this. It wasn’t aimed at any certain person(s), just guys and girls in general. But, if I have offended you, let me know in the comments. In fact, leave a comment if you agree with me.