Yes, many, many people will lie when it comes to dating, and I’m not just talking about when a teenager tells their parent’s that they love someone (when they really don’t) just so they can grind their parent’s gears. I’m talking about the unintentional lies that we tell others as well as ourselves.There’s one particular dating lie I’d like to focus on and that’s the lie we tell when someone asks us what we look for in someone from the opposite sex. Girls, you will almost always say that you look for someone who is kind, caring, loving, supportive, sweet, funny, and who will treat you they way you deserve to be treated. But, for most girls, this is a big lie. If these traits were really something you looked for in a guy, there wouldn’t be as many guys matching that description that are single. Think about it; when a girl breaks up with a guy, how often do you hear her say that she broke up with him because he was too nice or too caring? It’s almost never. No sane girl will break up with a guy because he’s a wonderful person. Nearly 75% of the time the girl will break up with him because he is a rude, mean, uncouth, spiteful, vindictive, uncaring jerk. The other 25% of the time, it’s because the girl doesn’t really know what she wants in a guy or she has found someone else who they would rather be with.
Just so you gals don’t think I’m focusing on just you; guys, you do this too. Most guys will say that they want a girl who is smart, funny, and sexy and who accepts us for who we are. Other than sexy, most guys don’t really mean it when they say that, especially when it comes to the girl being smart. Usually, if a girl is smart, it means that she is smarter than the guy (usually by quite a bit), and while we guys find this to be a commendable trait, we also find it just a bit intimidating. That’s not to say that guys are going to look for a girl with the I.Q. of a bump on a log, nor does it mean that girls should dumb themselves down to make themselves more attractive to a guy. (Please, girls, don’t do that.) It just means that we have to be careful about the people we date. Girls; if you happen to be a bit smarter than a guy, don’t rub it in our faces. Guys; if a girl is smarter than you don’t let that ruin a good relationship. Well, I’ve gotten off on a bit of a tangent here. Let’s get back to the subject at hand.
Lies; they’re not good in any context, so why do we all tell them? Wouldn’t dating be much easier if we all just told the truth about what we look for? Girls; if you’re going to say that you want a wonderful, caring guy, then actually look for one. When you’ve found one, treat them the same way you expect them to treat you. You want him to treat you like you’re the best thing to ever walk the face of the earth? Then you should treat him likewise. Relationships are a two way street, you can’t treat a guy like dirt and still expect him to be nice to you. Guys; try focusing on traits in a girl other than sexiness. Yes, I know that physical attractiveness is essential in a relationship, but that shouldn’t be the only thing you look for. It’s nice in a relationship to have a girl that you can actually have an intelligent conversation with, and for that, you’re going to need to find someone who actually has more in their head than bits of fluff and the occasional tumbleweed. It can be intimidating when a girl is smarter than you, but try to look past that.
All in all, I think the world needs to be a little bit more honest, at least as far as dating is concerned. What does everyone else think? We had some good discussions in the last post, let’s try for that again.
To be fair, those traits (kind, caring, etc.) are something I personally look for in a guy. Every guy I've dated has started the relationship possessing those traits (or at least pretending to); for most of them, those traits vanished sooner or later. So it's not that he isn't capable of being kind, caring, etc., more that once he's "got" me, he suddenly feels he can be a jerk and I won't care.
ReplyDeleteOn the intelligence issue, I'll use a current example from my life. (I'll call him Bob.) Bob realizes there are many scholarly topics that I am well-versed in. He happily accepted my help with his trigonometry homework. But Bob also realizes that I'm a flaky ditz. Bob also is better than me at other subjects; being that he's a computer science major, he knows a lot more about computers and programming than I do. I highly enjoy our conversations, which are stimulating and intellectual. I hope he feels the same way...
Well I for one know for a fact that there are indeed girls out there who really do mean it when they say they want to date kind, caring, loving, ect. types of guys, because I've met them before. And by the same token I know for a fact that there are guys out there who really do mean it when they say they look for the smart, funny girl who accepts them for who they are, because quite frankly, I'm one of those guys! ^_^ And I know all of this because with each and every one of those people, they've been ones who not only just said it, but showed it as well. And that's pretty much true for honesty in general is that when you really do mean something, it shows. So really, when you want people to believe something you say is true then you've gotta back those words up, otherwise they're pretty much just empty words.
ReplyDelete@Sarcasm397: You make a valid point. A lot of girls probably really do look for a kind, caring person, but I guess the problem with that is they don't get to know the guy well enough before they are in a relationship to realize that the guy isn't really a loving, kind person. A lot of people jump from "Hi, my name is" straight into "Let's go steady" without actually figuring out if the other person has the traits they want in a partner. Although, to be fair, some guys can pretend to have those traits up until they say "I do" and then their true colors start to come out after that. And this works both ways. Girls are masters at pretending to have redeeming traits when they really don't. I guess it really has to go on a case by case basis.
ReplyDelete@BroEl: Yes, I know that there are people on both sides that really do look for people with redeeming qualities, but there are also a lot of the type I described. Something I didn't mention in my post is the fact that a lot of girls will say they look for kindness and caring in the guys they date, but what they really mean is they look for a guy who is physically attractive first, and kind and caring second. Which is why a lot of relationships end. The two people are physically attracted to each other, but they don't take time to find out if they mesh on different, more meaningful levels. I will admit to having done this once or twice and, obviously, those relationships didn't work. I think I'll do a post about looking past physical attraction to the deeper qualities that people have.
Yeah, when you put it that way I can definitely see how that's true sometimes. In a lot of ways I can't help but think that's why some people get into relationships as fast as what you described above. Although it is an important trait to consider like you said in the post, it really should be the other way around if anything else. Which is kind of interesting when you think about it. I think there's just something about finding the inner beauty of a person that seems to make them even more beautiful as a whole. So when you think about it, you're actually getting more out of it on both sides of the spectrum if you do search for the inner beauty first and attractiveness second.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I kind of had a thought about the whole idea of worrying about dating people smarter than you. In all honesty I can admit to being one who can be intimidated by that sometimes.... ^_^' Despite that fact though I do feel like it's something I can set aside easily enough. And I think really the biggest reason why is because I actually put more focus more on how much of an emotional connection I feel I have with someone than I do in how much I can keep up with them intellectually. That's just how much nothing else really seems to matter when i feel like I have that kind of connection with someone.
I'm also one of those people that can put aside a girl being smarter than me. It's important to me that a girl be smart. I'd much rather be with someone that can think than with someone who can't. Prime example for me: I love to read. I love books. Which is why one of the first things I ask a potential date is if they also like to read. It's always depressing how many people will say that they hate to read, and when they do, it's already over between the two of us. I don't know if that makes me picky or not, but it's how I feel. And as for looking for inner beauty first, my post on Beauty sums up my feelings on that.
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