Let’s start off by presenting a scenario. This is going to be like a “choose your own adventure” novel, but I’m going to be choosing all of the endings. We’ll start off by putting a guy and a girl together. They’ve just graduated from high school and have been dating since the middle of their Junior year. They’re madly in love with one another and want to get married, but first, the guy has a mission to serve. Now comes the part where I’m going to give choices. Choice number one: The guy can ask the girl to wait for him so they can get married when he gets home. Choice number two: The guy can tell the girl not to wait for him and to live her life as she normally would and if she’s still available when he gets home, they can see what happens. Choice number three: The guy can invite the girl to do the Macarena with him every Saturday until he leaves then he must go back and choose between #1 and #2. Let’s say that the guy chooses #3 and then #1; he asks the girl to wait for two years while he serves the Lord. Basically, the guy is asking the girl to put her life on hold for two years in the hopes that they will still love each other when he gets home. Yes, it’s a noble thing to do and, yes, it’s a sure sign that you love each other if she agrees, but it’s also an incredibly selfish thing to ask another person. In my opinion it doesn’t matter how in love you are with another person, there is no guarantee that you will feel the same way about them after not seeing them for two years, and vice versa. There are going to be so many things changing in both of your lives during those two years that when you see each other again, you are going to be two completely different people. Your feelings could still be the same for each other… at first, but after being together for the first couple of weeks back, you might find that the person you waited 730 days for is not the same person you remember and that you’re no longer sure how you feel about them. When a guy asks a girl to wait, he is denying her many, many opportunities to live while he is gone. Yes, you may be in love when he left, but when you put your life on hold for that long, you pass up all those chances to meet new people, particularly of the opposite gender. I’m not talking about the casual meetings of new people, but really meeting them. Because, let’s be serious, when you’re waiting for somebody, you’re not really yourself when you meet a new person. You don’t allow yourself free with them to see if there could possibly be a connection between the two of you, do you? No, you keep your true self bottled up inside where it can’t possibly do anything to ruin what you have with your missionary. It sounds sad, and it is, but it happens so much more often than most people will admit.
Okay, so, that didn’t work, but, luckily, we kept our finger on the page where we made the choice and we go back and decide to try the other option. The guy selects choice #3 followed by #2; he tells the girl not to wait for him and to live her life. If she is still available and interested when he gets home, they can try picking things up where they left off. First off, this is going to make the girl feel much better about the whole situation. She’s going to feel less like a possession that they guy boxes away next to his guitar and his Playstation while he’s gone, which is going to make her happier. She’ll be allowed to be her normal self around the people she meets and will likely make more friends than she would if she were waiting, which is also going to make her happy. The only catch to this choice is that the guy must really be prepared for her to move on from him. If he’s not, things are going to crash and burn, much like the Hindenburg, and it’s likely to reflect in his mission, and we don’t want that.
Yes, I know that there are occasions where the guy will ask the girl to wait, and she does, and things work out just fine for both of them. He gets home; they get married, and have a wonderful rest of their life. But, I haven’t seen that happen nearly as much as I have seen the alternative. Usually, if the girl agrees to wait, she will… for a while. But, eventually, she will start to distance herself from her missionary and will start to meet new people, which will usually lead to her falling in love with someone else and sending that dreaded “Dear John…” letter to her missionary. It’s a classic story. However, I’ve seen more relationships survive the mission when the guy doesn’t ask the girl to wait. I’m not sure why, but it just seems to work out that way.
This is just the opinion of a non-missionary. Have any of you been on one end or the other of the mission relationship? Did you wait or ask someone to wait? How did it work out for you in the end? Share with us. And to everyone else; what are your thoughts on waiting for a missionary? Do you think it’s the right thing to do? Or are you opposed to it? Again, share your thoughts with us.
Well I don't really know how much of a differing insight I can give because a) Just like you I too am somewhat of a non-missionary myself and b) I completely agree with you. ^_^'
ReplyDeleteHonestly it's a subject matter I haven't really put too much thought into, I've just always known that it takes a really incredibly high amount of love between two people to make it work, no matter which way you look at it. But I think that's why option #2 seems to be the one I agree with the most. Because that way the love between those two people flows naturally rather than it being forced. I mean if you think about it that way I think that's a much truer test of trust in the one you love and their feelings for you. Fact of the matter is if you really, truly love someone you'll be willing to let them go and be free. And if they really, truly love you enough, then they'll come back to you. If not, then they don't, and that's just all there is to it. It's a risky business, yes, but I think if you both truly, deeply love each other then you'll be willing to take that risk and put it up to the test.
You're totally spot on with how I feel. Asking someone to wait for you is basically forcing them to love you, and in my experience, forcing love usually ruins it. Waiting may work for some people, but like you said, it takes an incredible amount of love between the two people.
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