Okay, I know that I’m nowhere near qualified to give advice on dating, especially where I have so much trouble with it myself, but I thought I might give some advice to those of you who are dealing with heartbreak at this time. Break ups are hard for everyone, and they are also going to feel different for each person in each relationship. When two people break up, one person is usually going to feel much worse than the other person. Although, hopefully, the person who did the breaking up is sad as well, because if you break someone’s heart and don’t feel any kind of remorse, that’s just terrible.
Possibly the best advice I can give to anyone going through a breakup is this: don’t keep the sadness and hurt that you’re undoubtedly feeling bottled up inside you. Let things out, vent to your friends and family, write about it in a blog or journal. You’re supposed to feel sad and hurt, so let people know that’s how you’re feeling. If they are really your friends, they’ll listen and feel sad for you. If you keep feelings of any kind, but especially sadness, bottled up inside you, they are going to become harder and harder to deal with when they finally do surface. Feelings are a lot like money in that sense, but instead of saving them, you need to spend them as fast as you can, or else they’ll grow bigger and more difficult to handle.
I would also like to say that, after the breakup has happened, it’s probably not your best idea to immediately start back into the dating world. You’re going to have feelings to deal with that could mess up any relationship that might come your way, be it small or large. When you’ve been through a breakup, you’re going to feel alone and vulnerable and will begin to reach out to anyone who you think can fill the void that has been created in your world. The biggest problem with this is that you’re going to try to get right back to where you were in your last relationship, but with a new person, and that’s not a good thing. As hard as it will be, you will want to take your time with dating. It’s normal for people to jump straight into what is called a “rebound relationship”. Rebound relationships are usually started and ended fast and will leave you feeling emptier than you did before. Just remember to pace yourself when you finally do decide to start dating again. Go on dates, but try to avoid getting too serious too fast.
I know that, this being an LDS dating blog, the church leaders look down on “hanging out” over dating, but when you’re just barely back into the dating scene, sometimes hanging out is better for you. You’re going to meet more people that you might like to ask out when you’re with a group of people than you will when you’re on a one-on-one date. If you happen to go to a singles ward, try to go to the ward activities. Those are great ways to meet other people you might be interested in. I know that most singles wards do a ward Family Home Evening every week, and I highly recommend going to it. Other than getting a spiritual uplift, you’re going to have a chance to mingle with other people your age who have the same values as you do, which is nice.
So, what about the rest of you? Do any of you have advice for people who are going through a hard breakup? Let’s try to get another discussion going in the comments. Help each other out.
Pretty much just along the lines of what you've already said. Although personally I have to admit I do struggle with most of those things sometimes (pertaining to being turned down by a girl rather than an actual breakup in my case) I do fully agree with your suggestions nonetheless. In fact if anything those suggestions are some of the best things I could have ever possibly done for myself, even if I struggle being in the right mindset to do them.
ReplyDeleteI will say though that if anything, another thing I'd probably add on there is to not be so closed minded about still being friends with the people that broke your heart. I understand how tough it is because of how awkward or hurtfully spiteful things can be between you and them, but that's why you need to have the humility and maturity to be able to set those things aside and still maintain good relations with them. In a way I actually see that as a good way of ridding yourself of hurtful things of the past and giving you the capability to move on with life. Plus that and I'd say if you liked them enough to date them at one point, then why wouldn't you like them enough to at least still be friends? All that's essentially different in that case is that you simply know you don't like them enough to date them, and that's really all there is to that. There's always good in being able to maintain any kind of relationship with any human being, even if it's not the one you wanted. People are just simply happier that way rather than holding grudges with people over things that are probably not even that big a deal anyways. Life is just too short for that.
I've made it a point to still be friends with all my exboyfriends, and it's work out really welll for me. And thank you, Bryson for this entry.
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