I'm A Man Of Many Blogs

Alright, I'll make this quick. I have another blog up! I know, I know, what do I need with another blog? Well, to be honest, this new blog has actually been around for a while, it's just been stagnating for over a year. The new blog is: Chair Digest. The blog was originally going to be an online magazine about chairs, but I've decided to make it my everything else blog. So, if you like the kind of stuff I write about on here, check out Chair Digest.

I Hate Waiting

Okay, I know I’ve talked a lot about missionaries on this blog, but I’m going to do it one more time, so bear with me.

Let’s start off by presenting a scenario. This is going to be like a “choose your own adventure” novel, but I’m going to be choosing all of the endings. We’ll start off by putting a guy and a girl together. They’ve just graduated from high school and have been dating since the middle of their Junior year. They’re madly in love with one another and want to get married, but first, the guy has a mission to serve. Now comes the part where I’m going to give choices. Choice number one: The guy can ask the girl to wait for him so they can get married when he gets home. Choice number two: The guy can tell the girl not to wait for him and to live her life as she normally would and if she’s still available when he gets home, they can see what happens. Choice number three: The guy can invite the girl to do the Macarena with him every Saturday until he leaves then he must go back and choose between #1 and #2.

Let’s say that the guy chooses #3 and then #1; he asks the girl to wait for two years while he serves the Lord. Basically, the guy is asking the girl to put her life on hold for two years in the hopes that they will still love each other when he gets home. Yes, it’s a noble thing to do and, yes, it’s a sure sign that you love each other if she agrees, but it’s also an incredibly selfish thing to ask another person. In my opinion it doesn’t matter how in love you are with another person, there is no guarantee that you will feel the same way about them after not seeing them for two years, and vice versa. There are going to be so many things changing in both of your lives during those two years that when you see each other again, you are going to be two completely different people. Your feelings could still be the same for each other… at first, but after being together for the first couple of weeks back, you might find that the person you waited 730 days for is not the same person you remember and that you’re no longer sure how you feel about them. When a guy asks a girl to wait, he is denying her many, many opportunities to live while he is gone. Yes, you may be in love when he left, but when you put your life on hold for that long, you pass up all those chances to meet new people, particularly of the opposite gender. I’m not talking about the casual meetings of new people, but really meeting them. Because, let’s be serious, when you’re waiting for somebody, you’re not really yourself when you meet a new person. You don’t allow yourself free with them to see if there could possibly be a connection between the two of you, do you? No, you keep your true self bottled up inside where it can’t possibly do anything to ruin what you have with your missionary. It sounds sad, and it is, but it happens so much more often than most people will admit.

Okay, so, that didn’t work, but, luckily, we kept our finger on the page where we made the choice and we go back and decide to try the other option. The guy selects choice #3 followed by #2; he tells the girl not to wait for him and to live her life. If she is still available and interested when he gets home, they can try picking things up where they left off. First off, this is going to make the girl feel much better about the whole situation. She’s going to feel less like a possession that they guy boxes away next to his guitar and his Playstation while he’s gone, which is going to make her happier. She’ll be allowed to be her normal self around the people she meets and will likely make more friends than she would if she were waiting, which is also going to make her happy. The only catch to this choice is that the guy must really be prepared for her to move on from him. If he’s not, things are going to crash and burn, much like the Hindenburg, and it’s likely to reflect in his mission, and we don’t want that.

Yes, I know that there are occasions where the guy will ask the girl to wait, and she does, and things work out just fine for both of them. He gets home; they get married, and have a wonderful rest of their life. But, I haven’t seen that happen nearly as much as I have seen the alternative. Usually, if the girl agrees to wait, she will… for a while. But, eventually, she will start to distance herself from her missionary and will start to meet new people, which will usually lead to her falling in love with someone else and sending that dreaded “Dear John…” letter to her missionary. It’s a classic story. However, I’ve seen more relationships survive the mission when the guy doesn’t ask the girl to wait. I’m not sure why, but it just seems to work out that way.

This is just the opinion of a non-missionary. Have any of you been on one end or the other of the mission relationship? Did you wait or ask someone to wait? How did it work out for you in the end? Share with us. And to everyone else; what are your thoughts on waiting for a missionary? Do you think it’s the right thing to do? Or are you opposed to it? Again, share your thoughts with us.

Beauty: Soul

So, we’ve covered beauty in both the body and the mind, so what’s left? Soul. When you say someone has a beautiful soul, what exactly do you mean? For me, it means their emotions, their ability to love, are so great that it makes them much more beautiful than what most people see on the surface. There are many ways that a girl can show me that she has a beautiful soul. Is she kind to other people? Does she openly show love for others in both the things she says and the things she does? If we’re dating, does she genuinely seem to care about me and my feelings? Does she only try to build up not only other people, but herself as well? If the answer is yes to these questions, then she indeed has a beautiful soul in my mind.

A beautiful soul is probably vastly outweighs any other kind of beauty, in my opinion. Yes, intelligence is wonderful, but without the ability to love, it’s useless. A beautiful body is also quite nice, but if, beneath that body, you’re soul is filled with hate and resentment, you’re probably not as beautiful as others might think.

Beauty of the soul is also the hardest to find in people. I’m not saying that it’s hard to find because it’s not there, but it’s hard to find because you can’t really see it in people until you really get to know them. You’ll have to spend quite a bit of time with a person before you can honestly say that you have found their inner beauty. And if they don’t really have any, you’ll probably want to cast your line back out into the dating pool and wait for someone who does. Trust me; you’re going to want someone who is capable of being kind, loving and caring.

Laughter is also another great way to tell if a person has a beautiful soul. There’s a reason they say that laughter is the language of the soul. If a person laughs at another person’s misfortune, they’re probably not that beautiful on the inside. However, when they laugh because something truly is funny to them, it’s a different type of laugh and you can really see the beauty inside them.

So, what are some of the things you notice about other people’s inner beauty that you find attractive? Share your thoughts with us.

Beauty Part 1: Body

Beauty Part 2: Mind

Beauty Part 3: Soul

Beauty: Mind

Okay, in the last post, I talked about why physical attraction is important in a relationship. Today I’m going to talk about some of the other, deeper things about a girl that I find attractive.The first thing that comes to my mind is intelligence. If a girl is not able to carry on an intelligent conversation with me, then it’s highly unlikely that she and I will end up together. I’m an avid reader and have been since I was 3. I love to pick up a book and get lost in the world within it. (In case you can’t tell, I also love to write.) One of the first things I will ask a girl when deciding whether we would work in a relationship is whether or not they like to read. It’s really quite depressing to me how many of them will tell me that they hate to read and only do so when they absolutely have to. Any time I get a response like this from a girl, it’s already clear to me that we would never work together. Intelligence should always be fairly high up on anybody’s list of traits they look for in a partner. If you are only focusing on the physical traits of a person (the surface) you’re heading for a train wreck. I can personally attest to this fact. You need to be interested in more than just a person’s body, and if you can’t think of anything else about a person that attracts you, you should probably just move on to someone else. The human mind is a wonderful thing when it’s used, so find someone who uses theirs. No relationship is ever going to last if the two people cannot connect on an intellectual level as well as a physical level.

In a previous post, I talked about how being with someone who is smarter than you can be intimidating, and it can. But that shouldn’t be something that you let get in the way of a great relationship. It should really just be a sign to you that you need to smarten up. Go back to school, learn more, read more. That’s the beauty of the human mind; it’s always learning. If you really love a person and want to be with them, then you should be willing to make sacrifices to make them happy. And they are going to be happier if they can connect with you intellectually.

What about everyone else? How important is intelligence to you when it comes to relationships?

Beauty Part 1: Body

Beauty Part 2: Mind

Beauty Part 3: Soul

Beauty: Body

Physical attraction; I’ve mentioned this in several of my articles, but I’ve never really gone into detail about it. So, I’m going to today. What is the first thing you notice about someone from the opposite gender? Is it their beautiful face, their great body, their gorgeous smile, their wonderfully flawless skin or their deep sapphire eyes? Those are just examples; it could really be any physical features, which are honestly the first things we notice about someone. I often hear people say that the first thing they noticed about their partner was their sense of humor or the way they seemed to care about everyone. This may be the first thing that attracted them to their partner, but it’s not the first thing they noticed. The way you look is going to be one of the biggest factors in any first impression. That’s why we clean ourselves up when we go to a job interview or a blind date; we want people to see how nice we look so that they will think highly of us. I also hear a lot of people say that physical attractiveness isn’t important to them in the people they date, which is almost always a lie. What they’re really saying is that they have a broader idea of what they find attractive in a partner.

I’m going to be the first to admit that physical attraction (looks) are important to me in the people I date. Yes, I know I’m a jerk for saying this, but it’s true, as it should be in any relationship between two people. Because, and let’s be honest with ourselves, an attractive person is going to be more pleasing to look at, and if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a person, it’s important that you like looking at them. I’m not trying to say that all girls have to look like supermodels, because not everybody looks for that, but I am saying that, no matter what attracts you, you should be with someone who you are physically attracted to.

I’m going to go off on a bit of a personal tangent here, so bear with me and try to not judge me as a jerk right off the bat. There are plenty of reasons why I like to be attracted to a girl I’m with which I personally don’t think are shallow. If I’m going to be with someone for time and all eternity, someone who I am going to be waking up next to every morning, I’d like that person to be pleasant to look at. Also, when a girl takes the time to make herself look nice (makeup, showering, etc.), it’s usually a good indicator that she things highly of herself and wants others to as well, which I like in a girl. I also like a girl who has a slim, fit figure. I’m not the most active person in the world, but I love to hike and play Ultimate Frisbee, and I’d like for the girls I’m with to be able to join me in those activities, and an overweight girl is not going to be able to do that. If a girl doesn’t care about the shape she’s in, it’s usually a good indicator to me that she doesn’t care about herself in general, which is a turn off to me.

So, does it make me a shallow jerk simply because I want a girl to like herself enough to care about what she looks like? If the answer is yes, then I guess I am a jerk. But, and I’ve probably said this before, I’d rather marry someone who is going to make me happy than not. And physical beauty is a key factor in making me happy.

What about everybody else? What physical traits to you find most attractive in the opposite gender? How important are those traits to you? Let’s have a discussion about it.

(Just so people don’t think I only focus on how a person looks, the next post is going to be about the other, deeper things that attract me to someone.)

Beauty Part 1: Body

Beauty Part 2:Mind

Beauty Part 3: Soul

Lies in Love

Alright, we’ve all told a lie at least once in our life, so don’t deny it. Most lies are told on purpose, but there are some lies that we tell that we don’t realize aren’t the truth. I’m going to talk about those types of lies today as they pertain to dating.Yes, many, many people will lie when it comes to dating, and I’m not just talking about when a teenager tells their parent’s that they love someone (when they really don’t) just so they can grind their parent’s gears. I’m talking about the unintentional lies that we tell others as well as ourselves.

There’s one particular dating lie I’d like to focus on and that’s the lie we tell when someone asks us what we look for in someone from the opposite sex. Girls, you will almost always say that you look for someone who is kind, caring, loving, supportive, sweet, funny, and who will treat you they way you deserve to be treated. But, for most girls, this is a big lie. If these traits were really something you looked for in a guy, there wouldn’t be as many guys matching that description that are single. Think about it; when a girl breaks up with a guy, how often do you hear her say that she broke up with him because he was too nice or too caring? It’s almost never. No sane girl will break up with a guy because he’s a wonderful person. Nearly 75% of the time the girl will break up with him because he is a rude, mean, uncouth, spiteful, vindictive, uncaring jerk. The other 25% of the time, it’s because the girl doesn’t really know what she wants in a guy or she has found someone else who they would rather be with.

Just so you gals don’t think I’m focusing on just you; guys, you do this too. Most guys will say that they want a girl who is smart, funny, and sexy and who accepts us for who we are. Other than sexy, most guys don’t really mean it when they say that, especially when it comes to the girl being smart. Usually, if a girl is smart, it means that she is smarter than the guy (usually by quite a bit), and while we guys find this to be a commendable trait, we also find it just a bit intimidating. That’s not to say that guys are going to look for a girl with the I.Q. of a bump on a log, nor does it mean that girls should dumb themselves down to make themselves more attractive to a guy. (Please, girls, don’t do that.) It just means that we have to be careful about the people we date. Girls; if you happen to be a bit smarter than a guy, don’t rub it in our faces. Guys; if a girl is smarter than you don’t let that ruin a good relationship. Well, I’ve gotten off on a bit of a tangent here. Let’s get back to the subject at hand.

Lies; they’re not good in any context, so why do we all tell them? Wouldn’t dating be much easier if we all just told the truth about what we look for? Girls; if you’re going to say that you want a wonderful, caring guy, then actually look for one. When you’ve found one, treat them the same way you expect them to treat you. You want him to treat you like you’re the best thing to ever walk the face of the earth? Then you should treat him likewise. Relationships are a two way street, you can’t treat a guy like dirt and still expect him to be nice to you. Guys; try focusing on traits in a girl other than sexiness. Yes, I know that physical attractiveness is essential in a relationship, but that shouldn’t be the only thing you look for. It’s nice in a relationship to have a girl that you can actually have an intelligent conversation with, and for that, you’re going to need to find someone who actually has more in their head than bits of fluff and the occasional tumbleweed. It can be intimidating when a girl is smarter than you, but try to look past that.

All in all, I think the world needs to be a little bit more honest, at least as far as dating is concerned. What does everyone else think? We had some good discussions in the last post, let’s try for that again.