Single Happiness vs. Relationship Happiness

If there's one thing I've noticed about myself and this blog as I've posted in it over the last few years, it's that both myself and this blog have matured and changed as far as our views on dating. If you've been following me since the beginning, you'll remember that I basically started this blog because the girl I was dating had broken up with me and I needed a place to vent my feelings and rant about dating. Since then, this blog has become more of a place to share thougths and feelings about dating in a more... philosophical way. I have also matured as a person when it comes to dating. I say this because, just like when I started this blog, I have recently been broken up with. The girl I was dating was unlike any other girl I've dated. She was kind, caring, and genuine. Although she broke up with me, I harbor no ill feelings towards her. I know that she did what she felt she had to, and I can't really fault her for that. Just  3 years ago, if a girl that wonderful had broken up with me, it would have destroyed me, my happiness, and my faith in the female gender. Today, however, as much as the break up hurts, it has served to make me determined to find a girl even more wonderful than the last. I know that the girl I'm talking about knows about this blog and might be reading this. If this is the case, I would like to say a few words to her. I want her to know that she was the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time and that I will treasure the time we spent together, however brief it was, for the rest of my life. You inspired me and made me want to be a better person, and I can't express how thankful for that I am. I want you to be happy with your life from here on out. Keep being the amazing, wonderful girl I know you are and you'll do fine in this life. I think only of our time together with fondness and I hope you do the same.

That really felt good; much better than I ever felt after one of my rants. This could really be a huge step forward for me.

Anyway, during the time I was with this girl, I thought a lot on something I was told before I asked her out. I have always been told that you cannot be ready for a relationship until you are happy with being single. I think this is true, but only to a certain point. Before my last relationship, I was happy. I was decidedly single, and I had no problem with that. I was happy with where I was in life and what I was doing with it. I didn't think I could get much happier. Boy, was I wrong. As soon as I started into a relationship with this girl, I became infinitely happier. Life went from great to fantastic in just a few days. This got me to pondering just how true that advice I was given is. Yes, I think you have to be happy as a single person before you can get involved in a relationship, but I think it's more about being happy as a person than it is about being happy as a single person. Human beings crave companionship. It's hard wired into us to want to be around people who make us feel better about ourselves. Knowing this, I don't think any person is going to ever be as happy as a single person as they will when they are in a healthy relationship.

These are just my thoughts, of course. I may be totally off base. What do the rest of you think? To the single people: are you happy with where you are in life? Do you think you could be happier if you were in a relationship? To the people in a relationship: How much happier are you now that you have that companionship? Let me know in the comments.

I'm going to try to bring this blog back to what it's former glory, which means I will be posting in it a lot more frequently. Watch for updates!

Beauty: Body

Physical attraction; I’ve mentioned this in several of my articles, but I’ve never really gone into detail about it. So, I’m going to today. What is the first thing you notice about someone from the opposite gender? Is it their beautiful face, their great body, their gorgeous smile, their wonderfully flawless skin or their deep sapphire eyes? Those are just examples; it could really be any physical features, which are honestly the first things we notice about someone. I often hear people say that the first thing they noticed about their partner was their sense of humor or the way they seemed to care about everyone. This may be the first thing that attracted them to their partner, but it’s not the first thing they noticed. The way you look is going to be one of the biggest factors in any first impression. That’s why we clean ourselves up when we go to a job interview or a blind date; we want people to see how nice we look so that they will think highly of us. I also hear a lot of people say that physical attractiveness isn’t important to them in the people they date, which is almost always a lie. What they’re really saying is that they have a broader idea of what they find attractive in a partner.

I’m going to be the first to admit that physical attraction (looks) are important to me in the people I date. Yes, I know I’m a jerk for saying this, but it’s true, as it should be in any relationship between two people. Because, and let’s be honest with ourselves, an attractive person is going to be more pleasing to look at, and if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a person, it’s important that you like looking at them. I’m not trying to say that all girls have to look like supermodels, because not everybody looks for that, but I am saying that, no matter what attracts you, you should be with someone who you are physically attracted to.

I’m going to go off on a bit of a personal tangent here, so bear with me and try to not judge me as a jerk right off the bat. There are plenty of reasons why I like to be attracted to a girl I’m with which I personally don’t think are shallow. If I’m going to be with someone for time and all eternity, someone who I am going to be waking up next to every morning, I’d like that person to be pleasant to look at. Also, when a girl takes the time to make herself look nice (makeup, showering, etc.), it’s usually a good indicator that she things highly of herself and wants others to as well, which I like in a girl. I also like a girl who has a slim, fit figure. I’m not the most active person in the world, but I love to hike and play Ultimate Frisbee, and I’d like for the girls I’m with to be able to join me in those activities, and an overweight girl is not going to be able to do that. If a girl doesn’t care about the shape she’s in, it’s usually a good indicator to me that she doesn’t care about herself in general, which is a turn off to me.

So, does it make me a shallow jerk simply because I want a girl to like herself enough to care about what she looks like? If the answer is yes, then I guess I am a jerk. But, and I’ve probably said this before, I’d rather marry someone who is going to make me happy than not. And physical beauty is a key factor in making me happy.

What about everybody else? What physical traits to you find most attractive in the opposite gender? How important are those traits to you? Let’s have a discussion about it.

(Just so people don’t think I only focus on how a person looks, the next post is going to be about the other, deeper things that attract me to someone.)

Beauty Part 1: Body

Beauty Part 2:Mind

Beauty Part 3: Soul