![]()
If there's one thing I've noticed about myself and this blog as I've posted in it over the last few years, it's that both myself and this blog have matured and changed as far as our views on dating. If you've been following me since the beginning, you'll remember that I basically started this blog because the girl I was dating had broken up with me and I needed a place to vent my feelings and rant about dating. Since then, this blog has become more of a place to share thougths and feelings about dating in a more... philosophical way. I have also matured as a person when it comes to dating. I say this because, just like when I started this blog, I have recently been broken up with. The girl I was dating was unlike any other girl I've dated. She was kind, caring, and genuine. Although she broke up with me, I harbor no ill feelings towards her. I know that she did what she felt she had to, and I can't really fault her for that. Just 3 years ago, if a girl that wonderful had broken up with me, it would have destroyed me, my happiness, and my faith in the female gender. Today, however, as much as the break up hurts, it has served to make me determined to find a girl even more wonderful than the last. I know that the girl I'm talking about knows about this blog and might be reading this. If this is the case, I would like to say a few words to her. I want her to know that she was the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time and that I will treasure the time we spent together, however brief it was, for the rest of my life. You inspired me and made me want to be a better person, and I can't express how thankful for that I am. I want you to be happy with your life from here on out. Keep being the amazing, wonderful girl I know you are and you'll do fine in this life. I think only of our time together with fondness and I hope you do the same.
That really felt good; much better than I ever felt after one of my rants. This could really be a huge step forward for me.
Anyway, during the time I was with this girl, I thought a lot on something I was told before I asked her out. I have always been told that you cannot be ready for a relationship until you are happy with being single. I think this is true, but only to a certain point. Before my last relationship, I was happy. I was decidedly single, and I had no problem with that. I was happy with where I was in life and what I was doing with it. I didn't think I could get much happier. Boy, was I wrong. As soon as I started into a relationship with this girl, I became infinitely happier. Life went from great to fantastic in just a few days. This got me to pondering just how true that advice I was given is. Yes, I think you have to be happy as a single person before you can get involved in a relationship, but I think it's more about being happy as a person than it is about being happy as a single person. Human beings crave companionship. It's hard wired into us to want to be around people who make us feel better about ourselves. Knowing this, I don't think any person is going to ever be as happy as a single person as they will when they are in a healthy relationship.
These are just my thoughts, of course. I may be totally off base. What do the rest of you think? To the single people: are you happy with where you are in life? Do you think you could be happier if you were in a relationship? To the people in a relationship: How much happier are you now that you have that companionship? Let me know in the comments.
I'm going to try to bring this blog back to what it's former glory, which means I will be posting in it a lot more frequently. Watch for updates!
I had a break up before I met my fiance. At first I felt horrible because I wasn't used to being alone. Even when I was single, I had some guy or other that I had a crush on that would encourage me to take the time to look good, but I would be terribly disheartened if I didn't see them. After this guy broke up with me, I was heartbroken, but I decided to move on. The best thing I ever did for me personally was go on my boy boycott because that's when I became happier with who I am as an individual person. However, now that I am engaged to a wonderful man, I am happier than I ever have been before. When I learned to be happy with myself, it allowed another to come in and truly complement my happiness (note that is complEment not complIment). He completes me, and it works because I had something to give to the relationship because I was happy and comfortable with myself. I may have ended up rambling at this point, but hopefully you understand my meaning hahaha!
ReplyDeleteI was happy single. I really was. But Matt makes me happier than I ever thought possible. So I say... relationships can make you happier, but only if they're right (or even "right now", depending.)
ReplyDeleteStragely enough this is yet again something I've been thinking about for a long while now actually (we seem to have a trend of coordinating this, don't we? ;) ). At first I started to think about how I seem to be trapped in this endless cycle of being happy with myself through single life, finding a girl I really like and in some cases actually came close to having a chance with her, them turning me down, me getting bitter and hateful about it and my life seemingly spiraling downwards in a state of despair and loneliness as a result before I finally got back to being happy with myself again, rinse and repeat. I guess that's the advantage of getting to be as old as we are by now though, at some point the cycle (hopefully) stops and you start to think about things differently.
ReplyDeleteI know it's all stuff I still need to work on, which I think really is just a simple case of having such little experience with the whole relationship thing (that's a whole other can of worms however), but I really think you're absolutely right nonetheless. You definitely have to be happy with yourself rather than just simply be happy with single life before you can be ready for a relationship, and i think that's been what my problem has been. I'm once again in a position where I'm happy with single life, and I think i'm a lot closer than I usually am to being happy with myself right now, which I think I just simply need a better run of luck to get myself to feel that in fully force (finding work, getting out of school, getting out of my parent's house, finding opportunities to do more with a lot of my more newfound passions, ect.). I still can't help but think though that if I were to find happiness in a relationship, then it might at least help ease the hardships of a lot of those things - having someone share my passions, burdens, frustrations and disappointments with rather than try to haul the entire load on my own shoulders. I can't even help but think that maybe it might inspire me to do better than I already have been. In which case the last point you touched on I think is what applies to me right now; that one is always naturally happier in a relationship than they are single. I don't feel like it's something I'm desperately feeling is essential to my being happy like I used to, but I do feel it's something that would be nice to have at least.
Another point I feel aught to be brought up ties together the idea that it's specifically a healthy relationship that naturally makes one happier than they are being single with the idea brought up in some of you other posts that one shouldn't be so desperate as to rush into being in a relationship and the thoughts on what the word "love" really means. Based on my experiences I can't stress enough how important it is to take the time to examine your feelings for someone from both perspectives. No matter how strong you may think you feel you "love" someone, there's no possible way you can feel happier with them than you do on your own if they don't feel the same way back. I've since started applying this way of thinking to my considerations of whether or not I would be interested in dating someone and I'm telling you, it's made a world of difference in how I've been able to handle my feelings. I find it a lot easier to stay happy about myself and not sink into bitter depression when you find out you can't be with someone you want to be with taking it from that perspective. Way I see it, how could you possibly "love" someone so much to the point that they're "the perfect one for you" if you aren't the right one for them?
Thanks for sharing this information about relationships. It is various information. I am very impressed from your information. Your information is really informative for us.
ReplyDeleteRussian Girls