Newly-Single

Being LDS and single, I’m very keenly aware of the pressure to get married that’s being exerted from church leaders, parents, ward members, friends, neighbors, pets, the random people I run into at the store, and possibly even rocks and trees. I don’t know who originally came up with the idea that LDS people should get married before they turn 25 (because after that, you’re a menace to society), but I don’t entirely agree with it. Yes, I would eventually like to get married, but on my own timetable. I look back at my last few serious relationships, and it seems like we both felt so much pressure to get married that we looked past our differences (some of them even being what some would term “deal-breakers”) and only focused on the fact that we both wanted to one day get married, so why not to each other? Obviously, the fact that I’m still single should help you to realize that none of those relationships worked out. I think it was just a few days after I went ring shopping with my last girlfriend that I realized that I’m not ready to get married. (For some reason, this sudden enlightenment didn’t hit me until after she’d already broken up with me. Good timing, eh?) But now I’m getting all the pep talks from various people about how “things will work out for the best” and “there is still someone out there for you”. I already know all of this. If I’ve learned anything from the past 7 years of dating it’s that there is always someone else out there for me and that, eventually, things almost always work out for the best.

This isn’t to say that I’m giving up on dating, far from it actually. I’m just going to be a bit more cautious about who I date and how serious I allow things to get with somebody. In my last two relationships, the girl and I declared ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend before we had even gone on a single date. I know, I know, that’s really not a good plan and I realize that now. Sad, though, that it took me two relationships to figure that out. So, now I’ve got to figure out how to take a girl on a date without giving the impression that I want to spend the rest of my life with them, which is really hard to do with LDS girls. The pressure for them to get married is much greater than it is for LDS men. But that’s because they tell themselves from an early age that they’re going to marry a nice, handsome return missionary before they turn 21. (I’m probably exaggerating this just a bit, but not by much.) This could pose quite a problem for someone like me who’s just trying to go on friendly dates.

This isn’t the only problem I’m having as a single, LDS male. The main problem I’ve had these past several years goes right along with what I just said. LDS girls tell themselves that they are going to marry a nice, handsome return missionary. So, what’s a non-return missionary to do? I could probably count on my fingers how many times I’ve been shot down by a girl because of this. (Well, I could count them all on my fingers if I had about 20 hands.) I’ve never once heard the leaders of our church tell girls to only date return missionaries and to absolutely never date someone who hasn’t served a mission. To me, it seems like most of them are told that by their parents, or even themselves, which is sad. There are so many young men who didn’t serve missions, such as me, who are still great guys. And yet, so many girls will look at these men and only see the fact that they didn’t serve a mission and immediately tell themselves that this person is not dating material. It really, well, sucks for a person like me.

So, now I need input. First, how can I find LDS girls that are willing to go on dates with me and can overlook the fact that I didn't serve a mission? Second, how can I keep myself from getting super attached to the girl on our first date and vice versa? Let me know if you have any ideas.