Striving For Perfection

Alright, I know I’ve talked about soul mates a lot on here, so I’m going to try to steer clear of that subject today. Instead, I’m going to talk about something that is similar and not so similar at the same time. I’m going to talk about The Perfect Guy/Girl. We all have an idea in our mind about what the perfect person would be for us. And if you say you don’t, you’re probably lying. Everybody hopes that they’ll find someone that surpasses all of our hopes and dreams of who we want to date and marry. Some people have an idea in their mind of their perfect person that is so detailed that they could go on for hours talking about each and every aspect of that person. Some of us are a little less picky, but we still would like to find that perfect somebody. I know that I have an idea in my mind of what my perfect girl would look and act like, but I’m not going to go into any details about her.

The problem is, are some of us so focused on finding that perfect person that we neglect to see the people around us who would still make us happier than we’ve ever been, even if they aren’t what we envisioned? I tend to notice girls doing this more than guys. And there are reasons for that. Girls have been spoiled by fictional characters such as Edward Cullen. Ask any girl who they’d marry if they could marry anybody and almost 95% of them will respond with: Edward followed by a heavy sigh and a dreamy look on their face. So many girls are hoping to find their personal Edward that they will skip over great guys in their quest to find him. And it’s not just fictional characters, and it’s not just girls that do this. Guys become so enthralled by actresses like Megan Fox that they can’t possibly imagine a girl as wonderful as her, and because of that, they will not see the amazing girls that are standing right in front of them.

I guess what I’m getting at is this: Do too many of us have our sights set to high when it comes to who we will date? Are we so infatuated with the thought of a perfect person who likely doesn’t exist that we will ignore other people in the hopes that, one day, that thought will become reality? I truly hope not. As much as I’d like to meet and marry the person I have perfected in my mind, I know that it’s highly unlikely that I ever will.

What does everyone else think? Do you have an idea of the perfect person for you? What are some of their qualities? Share them with us. Let’s try to get a discussion going.

What if...

Have you ever thought about how your life would be different if you didn't grow up in the religion you did? I never really have, but a good friend of mine asked me that exact question a while back and it got me thinking. What would my life be like if I wasn't LDS? Would I still have the same morals and values I have now? Would I smoke or drink? Would I be covered in tattoos and piercings? What religion would I be? What type of people would I date?

I honestly don't know. I'm pretty sure I can answer a few of these questions, such as the smoking one. Smoking is stupid no matter what religion you are. And I'm pretty sure I would not be covered in tattoos and piercings. (That's not to say that I wouldn't have one or two of each.) But as for dating? I'm really not sure. As it is, I don't just date LDS girls. In fact, my high school girlfriend was Catholic. I think that, even if I didn't grow up LDS, I would still try to date upstanding girls rather than trashy, skanky ones. There's just something really attractive about a girl who cares about who she is and what she stands for, LDS or not.

But, I do think it would be a little bit more... freeing to not have to limit myself to marrying only LDS girls. I can think of several non-LDS girls I've met that I would gladly date, but I don't simply because of the fact that we would not be able to get married in The Temple. And I'm not trying to say that I want to marry outside of the church, nor that I plan to. But, there are a lot more options for marriage when you broaden your dating horizons.

What do you all think? What would your life be like if you weren't LDS? (Or if you weren't the religion you are?) What would you do differently with your life?

I Want To Be Loved...

Love is probably one of the most mystifying forces in the Universe. It can be given freely, but not taken forcefully. When you do give it away, you are not always guaranteed anything in return. When it is given away and returned, it continues to grow and grow in strength. It can be given to anybody you feel is deserving of it, but it cannot be easily taken back. It will cause people to do things they never thought possible and say things that they never knew they had the words to express. It is completely intangible, but is felt all the time by those who have received it.

What is it about love that is so intoxicating to the human race? What is it that will cause us to go to any length to find and be with the person we love? Why do we continue to throw ourselves back in front of the oncoming train that is the dating scene in the hopes that we will find someone who has the same feelings of passion that we have for them?

The path to true, irrefutable love is a steep, rocky climb that cannot be circumvented or bypassed no matter how much we would like to. Despite how easy it looks, you cannot reach the pinnacle of the mountain that is love without supreme determination and a few cuts and bruises.

There is no greater high in the world than the feeling you get when the person you would die for tells you that they feel the same way about you. The word “love” is thrown around very carelessly these days, but the actual feeling of love is much, much harder to give someone. When two people are in love, it is like they are constantly putting themselves out on a precarious ledge knowing that, should they fall, the other person will always be there to catch them, comfort and hold them, and place their feet back on solid, secure ground.

Love will not tolerate doubt; the two concepts are polar opposites of each other and cannot be together. One will always destroy the other.

Sorry, I’m feeling rather poetic today for some reason. Let’s see, how can I wrap this up? How about this: To all my readers, share your thoughts on love with me, be they positive or negative. It doesn’t even have to be feelings about relationships, just love in general.

It's A Cruel, Cruel World...

Quick note: I don’t want anyone to think that I’m trying to be vindictive towards anyone in particular. This post is just random thoughts I’ve had recently that I thought I’d throw out there for you.I’d like to tell you all a story about a friend of mine who goes to the same singles ward as I do. I’m not going to say his name; we’ll just refer to him as Jack.

A little less than a year ago, Jack met a girl who he got along well with, and who got along well with him. The two of them started going out together and liked each other more and more. A few months passed and Jack decided to ask this girl to marry him, to which she said yes. Everyone who knew these two thought that this was a rather smart decision because Jack and his girl fit each other’s personalities so well. Jack was happy, very happy. Unfortunately, a few weeks after the two became engaged, the girl told Jack that they couldn’t get married anymore and broke off the engagement as well as the whole relationship. Jack was very, very sad.

Jack is a good friend of mine so, naturally, I did my best to comfort him. I told him all the useless platitudes: “There is still a girl out there waiting for you” and the like. I knew they didn’t really help, but there’s not much else you can say in a situation like this. Telling a friend that there is still someone out there for them right after they get dumped by the person they thought was that someone isn’t really helpful to anyone. But, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today.

I want to open the floor to discussion. What do you do when you lose that person who made you feel happier than you’ve ever dreamed you could feel? How do you handle it? I could share numerous occasions where I’ve had to deal with losing someone I cared about (some recent, some not so recent), but I won’t bore you with that. (Maybe I will later.) Here’s a question for you: What do you do when you meet someone who you hit it off with almost immediately, go on a few dates with, and then find out that they have a boyfriend that they’re pretty serious with? By the by, what’s the point of going on dates with people when you are already seeing someone? Are you just trying to break people’s hearts by leading them on then telling them that nothing will happen between the two of you? It’s either that, or you really aren’t that serious with anyone. Pick one.

Here’s another story I’d like to share with you about a friend I used to work with. He and I were pretty close when we were working because neither of us has served a mission and have had to deal with the consequences of our decision (see some of my previous posts if you want to know what some of those consequences are). Again, I won’t say his name. We’ll call him Jeff. Anyway, I got an email from Jeff a couple of weeks ago in which he let me know about some of the problems he’s having right now. Apparently, he has the same issues with return missionaries that I do. Jeff has been “going steady” with a girl for about 8 months now and finally decided to pop the question to her. Her answer: “No, because I’m waiting for my missionary to come home.” Jeff was heartbroken, as anyone would be. Not only was his proposal rejected, but it turns out that Jeff had been lied to for 8 months by a girl he thought he would marry. It’s pretty hard to take in, I’m sure. I wasn’t sure what to tell Jeff. So I just told him that he’d be better off without her because, let’s be honest, if a girl doesn’t have the decency to tell you that she’s waiting for a missionary until you’ve dated for 8 months, she’s really not somebody you’d want to spend your life with. He knew that I was right, but that didn’t really help how he was feeling. It really wouldn’t be easy for anyone to deal with; being led around by the nose for that long only to be pulled off a cliff and down into the turbulent sea of despair and deceit.

So, how do we deal with something like that? (I’m using ‘we’ as inclusive for anyone who’s been in a similar situation, gals included.) What are we supposed to take away from the relationship once it’s over? Something like this will leave us with a lot of unanswered questions, and nobody likes those. Let me know how you'd handle a situation like these.

Well, That's Where It All Falls Down, Isn't It?

*WARNING* I’m going to say some things in today’s post that I know a lot of people are going to disagree with and are going to be angry about. Don’t stone me if you don’t agree, because you were warned.

I happened to stumble across Don Osmond’s blog on mormontimes.com and decided to read it. He, like me, tends to talk about dating in the LDS church a lot. In the post I was reading, he was talking about how he feels about dating people of other faiths and whether it’s right to do something like that. He refers to the process known as “flirt to convert” which is where a young man or woman will be interested in someone of another faith and will try to convert them so that they can marry in the temple. It’s a process that happens more often than most people think.

I honestly don’t think that it’s a good idea. If a man or woman only becomes LDS so they can marry you, there’s something missing there. They should want to convert to being LDS because they believe the religion is right, not just so they can get married. But, what do you do if the guy/gal you’re interested in is not of your faith and has made it clear that they don’t plan to be? Should you just put them out of your mind and focus your attention on someone else who believes the same things you do? (This is where I’m going to start saying things that will make you angry.)

Church leaders will say yes to my question. You shouldn’t try to date someone of another faith if they’ve made it clear that they’re not going to convert to being LDS. You’re supposed to get married and sealed in the temple and spend the rest of your life going to church each week with that special LDS guy/gal. But, I disagree. If you find yourself liking (or loving) someone who isn’t LDS and you really, truly feel that you could spend the rest of your life with that person, then do it. If you love someone, and I mean REALLY love someone, you can’t very well just stop loving them because they aren’t of your faith. It’s impossible to completely stop loving someone once you have feelings of real, deep love for them, and if you say you’ve done it, you’re lying. Deep down inside you, there are still feelings for that person and they will nag at you for the rest of your life.

So, how do you work out the marriage situation with someone who doesn’t believe what you believe? Where will you get married? How will you raise your children? There are lots of people who marry people of other religions and things work out. Either one person will convert to the other’s religion, or one will not be that strong in their religion and won’t care that their children go to a different church. Those are just a couple of examples, but you get what I’m saying. The point is; if you really love someone and they really love you back, there shouldn’t be anything on this earth that should deter you from being with each other.

There’s a quote that I feel should be in this post. It’s from the movie “The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” (the 2005 version). It’s said by Slartibartfast. He’s talking to Arthur Dent when he says: “I’d much rather be happy than right any day.” It’s a great little quote that can be applied to almost anything. When it comes to marriage, I’d much rather be happy with who I chose to marry. I think most people would. And if you marry someone you really, really love, your chances of being happy are much, much greater.

Again, if you don’t like what I’ve said, let me know in the comments. You probably won’t change my mind, but let me know all the same. Also, let me know if you do agree with me.

Sing, Sing, Sing. I Like To Sing.

I hate it when inanimate objects try to tell me something. It’s pretty frustrating, but can be funny at the same time. Today’s is more on the funny side, with just a touch of coincidence thrown in to make me scratch my head in thought.

At my job I’m allowed to listen to my iPod, which I do every day because it makes the 8 hours I’m here bearable. I usually just set it to shuffle and listen to whatever comes up. Today is no exception. As I’m doing my daily paperwork I’ve got my earbuds in and I’m listening to some great music. Then, something strange happened. The song “Best of My Love” by the Eagles came up. I didn’t really feel like listening to a love song, so I skipped to the next track which happened to be “When You Love Someone” by Bryan Adams. Again, I skipped ahead to the next track. What should come up but, you guessed it, another love song. This time it was “I Love Her” by the Beatles. I was starting to get frustrated at this point and skipped ahead through 5 more songs, all of which were love songs which included “Love Me Do” also by the Beatles, “My Love” by Wings, “Why Can’t This Be Love” by Van Halen “Make You Feel My Love” by Garth Brooks, and finally “I Want To Be Loved” by Prozzak. The song that came up after those was “I Don’t Wanna Be in Love” by Good Charlotte. I stayed on that song, feeling that it summed up my feelings at the moment. After that song was done “Everything I Do, I Do For You” by Bryan Adams, came up, frustrating me even more.

It seems like my iPod is trying to tell me something, but what that is, I’m not sure. Could it be that I’m in love with someone and don’t know it? Or could it be that someone is in love with me and hasn’t told me? Or, is the point it’s trying to get across the fact that I don’t want to be in love? I have no idea. I just thought it was kind of funny. And strange.

Here's Lookin' At You, Kid.

Are looks (good or bad) important in a relationship? Girls: Will you not go out with a guy if he doesn’t dress in the latest fashions? Guys: Will you not date a girl who dresses in unflattering clothing? I know that today’s society has forced a lot of people to only focus on how a person looks instead of how they act, but does everybody do that?

Guys: When you go to pick up a girl for a date and she comes dressed in, say, a hoodie and baggy jeans instead of something a little more flattering, does that change how you’re going to treat her on the date? Or, since this is an LDS dating blog, what if she shows up wearing clothes that are not quite as modest as you would have hoped? Will you think less of her? I would hope the answer would be no, but I know that it’s not going to be, at least, not unanimously. Girls: If a guy comes to pick you up for a date and he is wearing something that you don’t find fashionable, will that change your thoughts of him? What do you generally find acceptable in the way of men’s fashion? Must we wear only button down shirts and slacks when we are with you? Or can we dress in a way that is more comfortable for us?

This doesn’t have to apply to just what we wear. What about actual physical features? Are there lines you will draw as to who you will date that are defined by physical appearance? What parameters do you have in place to limit the amount of “uglies” you date? I know that physical attraction is an important factor in starting a relationship. You have to be attracted to somebody before you start asking them out. But, what features do people find unattractive in another person? I know it’s going to be different for each of us, but I’d still like to know. Or, we could look at this from the other side and ask what features will first attract you to the opposite sex? Is it her hair? Is it his eyes? Is it the way they smile? Please note that I’m asking both guys and girls here.

I’m going to get more into the non-physical features that attract us to each other in my next post, but for now I’d like to get some feedback from all of you about what you like the people you date to look like. Leave some comments and discuss.