I'm Fine Where I Am, Thank You

Alright, I'm LDS, single, and almost 24, so you can probably guess that the pressure for me to get married is coming in full bore. I'm getting the pushed towards matrimony by my parents, my bishopric, my friends, random strangers. Pretty much everyone. There's that saying in the LDS Church that says: "If you're 25 and unmarried, you're a menace to society". I know it was said by a prophet, but I don't think that makes it doctrine, no matter how much people wish it was.

The thing is; I'm happy being single. I'm enjoying life as a single adult, and I think I want to continue enjoying it for a while longer. Yes, I'd eventually like to get married and start a family, but I don't see why everyone wants me to rush into it. Marriage is a big decision, probably the biggest one I'm ever going to take, and I don't want to botch it up. When I get married, I want to be certain that I've made the right choice. No, I'm not saying that I'm waiting for "The One" to come into my life, you all know I don't believe in "The One". I'm just saying that I want to be sure that the person I'm marrying is going to be right for me.

I was almost engaged a little over a year ago. She broke things off before I actually proposed. I was sad at the time, but looking back on that relationship, it would have been a huge mistake for me to marry her. She was completely wrong for me in every sense of the word. My point is; I was totally enthralled by the idea of getting married that I started to ignore the blatant fact that the girl was not the type of girl I wanted to marry.

Anyway, I didn't want this to be a rant post, it's more just me musing. I've had several friends tell me recently that the pressure for them to get married is driving them insane. A few of them are starting to cave under the pressure. They're no longer dating to have fun, but are on the prowl for their special someone, which is a bad idea, in my mind. Both guys and gals can tell when you're scoping them out for marriage and it can make them feel uncomfortable to be around you, which you don't want. I'm a huge believer that you should be dating to have fun. When you're on a date just to have fun you act differently than when you're trying to hunt down a spouse. If you're just trying to have fun, you're obviously going to be more fun to be around. The date will probably end better and you'll probably have a better chance at getting Date #2. However, when you're only going on dates so that you can get married, the other person might get scared away. You're going to say things that you wouldn't normally say and do things that might come across as odd. All of this is because you're going to be putting that same pressure to get married that you're feeling onto the other person whether you realize it or not.

What do the rest of you think? Do I make a good point or am I totally off base? How many of you are dealing with pressure to get married and how are you dealing with it if you are? Who are you getting pressure from?

It's A Cruel, Cruel World...

Quick note: I don’t want anyone to think that I’m trying to be vindictive towards anyone in particular. This post is just random thoughts I’ve had recently that I thought I’d throw out there for you.I’d like to tell you all a story about a friend of mine who goes to the same singles ward as I do. I’m not going to say his name; we’ll just refer to him as Jack.

A little less than a year ago, Jack met a girl who he got along well with, and who got along well with him. The two of them started going out together and liked each other more and more. A few months passed and Jack decided to ask this girl to marry him, to which she said yes. Everyone who knew these two thought that this was a rather smart decision because Jack and his girl fit each other’s personalities so well. Jack was happy, very happy. Unfortunately, a few weeks after the two became engaged, the girl told Jack that they couldn’t get married anymore and broke off the engagement as well as the whole relationship. Jack was very, very sad.

Jack is a good friend of mine so, naturally, I did my best to comfort him. I told him all the useless platitudes: “There is still a girl out there waiting for you” and the like. I knew they didn’t really help, but there’s not much else you can say in a situation like this. Telling a friend that there is still someone out there for them right after they get dumped by the person they thought was that someone isn’t really helpful to anyone. But, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today.

I want to open the floor to discussion. What do you do when you lose that person who made you feel happier than you’ve ever dreamed you could feel? How do you handle it? I could share numerous occasions where I’ve had to deal with losing someone I cared about (some recent, some not so recent), but I won’t bore you with that. (Maybe I will later.) Here’s a question for you: What do you do when you meet someone who you hit it off with almost immediately, go on a few dates with, and then find out that they have a boyfriend that they’re pretty serious with? By the by, what’s the point of going on dates with people when you are already seeing someone? Are you just trying to break people’s hearts by leading them on then telling them that nothing will happen between the two of you? It’s either that, or you really aren’t that serious with anyone. Pick one.

Here’s another story I’d like to share with you about a friend I used to work with. He and I were pretty close when we were working because neither of us has served a mission and have had to deal with the consequences of our decision (see some of my previous posts if you want to know what some of those consequences are). Again, I won’t say his name. We’ll call him Jeff. Anyway, I got an email from Jeff a couple of weeks ago in which he let me know about some of the problems he’s having right now. Apparently, he has the same issues with return missionaries that I do. Jeff has been “going steady” with a girl for about 8 months now and finally decided to pop the question to her. Her answer: “No, because I’m waiting for my missionary to come home.” Jeff was heartbroken, as anyone would be. Not only was his proposal rejected, but it turns out that Jeff had been lied to for 8 months by a girl he thought he would marry. It’s pretty hard to take in, I’m sure. I wasn’t sure what to tell Jeff. So I just told him that he’d be better off without her because, let’s be honest, if a girl doesn’t have the decency to tell you that she’s waiting for a missionary until you’ve dated for 8 months, she’s really not somebody you’d want to spend your life with. He knew that I was right, but that didn’t really help how he was feeling. It really wouldn’t be easy for anyone to deal with; being led around by the nose for that long only to be pulled off a cliff and down into the turbulent sea of despair and deceit.

So, how do we deal with something like that? (I’m using ‘we’ as inclusive for anyone who’s been in a similar situation, gals included.) What are we supposed to take away from the relationship once it’s over? Something like this will leave us with a lot of unanswered questions, and nobody likes those. Let me know how you'd handle a situation like these.

LDS Dating Faux-Pas

Dating non-members is a touchy subject for a lot of LDS people, single or not. I know that most, if not all, single LDS people want to get married in the temple, and we should all know that someone who is not LDS will not be able to go to the temple with you. The time may or may not come when you ask someone on a date or be asked out by someone who is not of our faith. So, what do you do with that situation?

I know from personal experience that there are plenty of people out there who are not LDS, but are still wonderful people who can be tons of fun to be with on a date. But if you can’t marry this person in the long run, does that automatically mean that you can’t go on a date with them? Or do you look past that difference and just have a good time with them?

In my last post, I talked about soul mates and how you can make them to be whoever you want. Let me put a scenario past you and you tell me what you think. You meet a girl at, oh, let’s say the store. You talk with her for a while (never mentioning religion) and you find out that the two of you have quite a bit in common, so you exchange numbers with each other. You call her a day or so later to ask her on a date, she says yes, and you get together that Saturday and have a wonderful time with each other. The two of you go on several more dates together, each time having more fun than the last. The two of you grow very close over the course of a month or so. (We’re going to pretend that you still haven’t brought up the subject of religion.) By this point, the two of you have expressed love for each other and have kissed once or twice. But then, while out on a date together, the subject of religion is broached and you find out that this wonderful girl who you’ve grown so fond of is Catholic while you are LDS. What do you do? Do you immediately break things off with her due to your differing religions? Or do you stay with her? What would your thought process be at this point? You’d probably realize that you couldn’t get married in the temple. There’s always the possibility that she’d be willing to convert to Mormonism, but for this scenario, let’s pretend she’s strong in her beliefs and wants to stay that way. If you really love each other, what would happen? Would you be so staunch in your beliefs that you’d be willing to sacrifice your love for your religion? Could there be any kind of compromise between the two of you? If you did end up getting married, how would you raise your children, Catholic or LDS? There are so many questions that would crop up, it might drive you crazy.

I’m not trying to infer that I know the answer to these questions. I really don’t, and I’d like to know all of your thoughts on this subject. Have any of you been in a relationship with someone who wasn’t LDS? Please, share your thoughts in the comments.