Beauty: Soul

So, we’ve covered beauty in both the body and the mind, so what’s left? Soul. When you say someone has a beautiful soul, what exactly do you mean? For me, it means their emotions, their ability to love, are so great that it makes them much more beautiful than what most people see on the surface. There are many ways that a girl can show me that she has a beautiful soul. Is she kind to other people? Does she openly show love for others in both the things she says and the things she does? If we’re dating, does she genuinely seem to care about me and my feelings? Does she only try to build up not only other people, but herself as well? If the answer is yes to these questions, then she indeed has a beautiful soul in my mind.

A beautiful soul is probably vastly outweighs any other kind of beauty, in my opinion. Yes, intelligence is wonderful, but without the ability to love, it’s useless. A beautiful body is also quite nice, but if, beneath that body, you’re soul is filled with hate and resentment, you’re probably not as beautiful as others might think.

Beauty of the soul is also the hardest to find in people. I’m not saying that it’s hard to find because it’s not there, but it’s hard to find because you can’t really see it in people until you really get to know them. You’ll have to spend quite a bit of time with a person before you can honestly say that you have found their inner beauty. And if they don’t really have any, you’ll probably want to cast your line back out into the dating pool and wait for someone who does. Trust me; you’re going to want someone who is capable of being kind, loving and caring.

Laughter is also another great way to tell if a person has a beautiful soul. There’s a reason they say that laughter is the language of the soul. If a person laughs at another person’s misfortune, they’re probably not that beautiful on the inside. However, when they laugh because something truly is funny to them, it’s a different type of laugh and you can really see the beauty inside them.

So, what are some of the things you notice about other people’s inner beauty that you find attractive? Share your thoughts with us.

Beauty Part 1: Body

Beauty Part 2: Mind

Beauty Part 3: Soul

Beauty: Mind

Okay, in the last post, I talked about why physical attraction is important in a relationship. Today I’m going to talk about some of the other, deeper things about a girl that I find attractive.The first thing that comes to my mind is intelligence. If a girl is not able to carry on an intelligent conversation with me, then it’s highly unlikely that she and I will end up together. I’m an avid reader and have been since I was 3. I love to pick up a book and get lost in the world within it. (In case you can’t tell, I also love to write.) One of the first things I will ask a girl when deciding whether we would work in a relationship is whether or not they like to read. It’s really quite depressing to me how many of them will tell me that they hate to read and only do so when they absolutely have to. Any time I get a response like this from a girl, it’s already clear to me that we would never work together. Intelligence should always be fairly high up on anybody’s list of traits they look for in a partner. If you are only focusing on the physical traits of a person (the surface) you’re heading for a train wreck. I can personally attest to this fact. You need to be interested in more than just a person’s body, and if you can’t think of anything else about a person that attracts you, you should probably just move on to someone else. The human mind is a wonderful thing when it’s used, so find someone who uses theirs. No relationship is ever going to last if the two people cannot connect on an intellectual level as well as a physical level.

In a previous post, I talked about how being with someone who is smarter than you can be intimidating, and it can. But that shouldn’t be something that you let get in the way of a great relationship. It should really just be a sign to you that you need to smarten up. Go back to school, learn more, read more. That’s the beauty of the human mind; it’s always learning. If you really love a person and want to be with them, then you should be willing to make sacrifices to make them happy. And they are going to be happier if they can connect with you intellectually.

What about everyone else? How important is intelligence to you when it comes to relationships?

Beauty Part 1: Body

Beauty Part 2: Mind

Beauty Part 3: Soul

Beauty: Body

Physical attraction; I’ve mentioned this in several of my articles, but I’ve never really gone into detail about it. So, I’m going to today. What is the first thing you notice about someone from the opposite gender? Is it their beautiful face, their great body, their gorgeous smile, their wonderfully flawless skin or their deep sapphire eyes? Those are just examples; it could really be any physical features, which are honestly the first things we notice about someone. I often hear people say that the first thing they noticed about their partner was their sense of humor or the way they seemed to care about everyone. This may be the first thing that attracted them to their partner, but it’s not the first thing they noticed. The way you look is going to be one of the biggest factors in any first impression. That’s why we clean ourselves up when we go to a job interview or a blind date; we want people to see how nice we look so that they will think highly of us. I also hear a lot of people say that physical attractiveness isn’t important to them in the people they date, which is almost always a lie. What they’re really saying is that they have a broader idea of what they find attractive in a partner.

I’m going to be the first to admit that physical attraction (looks) are important to me in the people I date. Yes, I know I’m a jerk for saying this, but it’s true, as it should be in any relationship between two people. Because, and let’s be honest with ourselves, an attractive person is going to be more pleasing to look at, and if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a person, it’s important that you like looking at them. I’m not trying to say that all girls have to look like supermodels, because not everybody looks for that, but I am saying that, no matter what attracts you, you should be with someone who you are physically attracted to.

I’m going to go off on a bit of a personal tangent here, so bear with me and try to not judge me as a jerk right off the bat. There are plenty of reasons why I like to be attracted to a girl I’m with which I personally don’t think are shallow. If I’m going to be with someone for time and all eternity, someone who I am going to be waking up next to every morning, I’d like that person to be pleasant to look at. Also, when a girl takes the time to make herself look nice (makeup, showering, etc.), it’s usually a good indicator that she things highly of herself and wants others to as well, which I like in a girl. I also like a girl who has a slim, fit figure. I’m not the most active person in the world, but I love to hike and play Ultimate Frisbee, and I’d like for the girls I’m with to be able to join me in those activities, and an overweight girl is not going to be able to do that. If a girl doesn’t care about the shape she’s in, it’s usually a good indicator to me that she doesn’t care about herself in general, which is a turn off to me.

So, does it make me a shallow jerk simply because I want a girl to like herself enough to care about what she looks like? If the answer is yes, then I guess I am a jerk. But, and I’ve probably said this before, I’d rather marry someone who is going to make me happy than not. And physical beauty is a key factor in making me happy.

What about everybody else? What physical traits to you find most attractive in the opposite gender? How important are those traits to you? Let’s have a discussion about it.

(Just so people don’t think I only focus on how a person looks, the next post is going to be about the other, deeper things that attract me to someone.)

Beauty Part 1: Body

Beauty Part 2:Mind

Beauty Part 3: Soul

Lies in Love

Alright, we’ve all told a lie at least once in our life, so don’t deny it. Most lies are told on purpose, but there are some lies that we tell that we don’t realize aren’t the truth. I’m going to talk about those types of lies today as they pertain to dating.Yes, many, many people will lie when it comes to dating, and I’m not just talking about when a teenager tells their parent’s that they love someone (when they really don’t) just so they can grind their parent’s gears. I’m talking about the unintentional lies that we tell others as well as ourselves.

There’s one particular dating lie I’d like to focus on and that’s the lie we tell when someone asks us what we look for in someone from the opposite sex. Girls, you will almost always say that you look for someone who is kind, caring, loving, supportive, sweet, funny, and who will treat you they way you deserve to be treated. But, for most girls, this is a big lie. If these traits were really something you looked for in a guy, there wouldn’t be as many guys matching that description that are single. Think about it; when a girl breaks up with a guy, how often do you hear her say that she broke up with him because he was too nice or too caring? It’s almost never. No sane girl will break up with a guy because he’s a wonderful person. Nearly 75% of the time the girl will break up with him because he is a rude, mean, uncouth, spiteful, vindictive, uncaring jerk. The other 25% of the time, it’s because the girl doesn’t really know what she wants in a guy or she has found someone else who they would rather be with.

Just so you gals don’t think I’m focusing on just you; guys, you do this too. Most guys will say that they want a girl who is smart, funny, and sexy and who accepts us for who we are. Other than sexy, most guys don’t really mean it when they say that, especially when it comes to the girl being smart. Usually, if a girl is smart, it means that she is smarter than the guy (usually by quite a bit), and while we guys find this to be a commendable trait, we also find it just a bit intimidating. That’s not to say that guys are going to look for a girl with the I.Q. of a bump on a log, nor does it mean that girls should dumb themselves down to make themselves more attractive to a guy. (Please, girls, don’t do that.) It just means that we have to be careful about the people we date. Girls; if you happen to be a bit smarter than a guy, don’t rub it in our faces. Guys; if a girl is smarter than you don’t let that ruin a good relationship. Well, I’ve gotten off on a bit of a tangent here. Let’s get back to the subject at hand.

Lies; they’re not good in any context, so why do we all tell them? Wouldn’t dating be much easier if we all just told the truth about what we look for? Girls; if you’re going to say that you want a wonderful, caring guy, then actually look for one. When you’ve found one, treat them the same way you expect them to treat you. You want him to treat you like you’re the best thing to ever walk the face of the earth? Then you should treat him likewise. Relationships are a two way street, you can’t treat a guy like dirt and still expect him to be nice to you. Guys; try focusing on traits in a girl other than sexiness. Yes, I know that physical attractiveness is essential in a relationship, but that shouldn’t be the only thing you look for. It’s nice in a relationship to have a girl that you can actually have an intelligent conversation with, and for that, you’re going to need to find someone who actually has more in their head than bits of fluff and the occasional tumbleweed. It can be intimidating when a girl is smarter than you, but try to look past that.

All in all, I think the world needs to be a little bit more honest, at least as far as dating is concerned. What does everyone else think? We had some good discussions in the last post, let’s try for that again.

Striving For Perfection

Alright, I know I’ve talked about soul mates a lot on here, so I’m going to try to steer clear of that subject today. Instead, I’m going to talk about something that is similar and not so similar at the same time. I’m going to talk about The Perfect Guy/Girl. We all have an idea in our mind about what the perfect person would be for us. And if you say you don’t, you’re probably lying. Everybody hopes that they’ll find someone that surpasses all of our hopes and dreams of who we want to date and marry. Some people have an idea in their mind of their perfect person that is so detailed that they could go on for hours talking about each and every aspect of that person. Some of us are a little less picky, but we still would like to find that perfect somebody. I know that I have an idea in my mind of what my perfect girl would look and act like, but I’m not going to go into any details about her.

The problem is, are some of us so focused on finding that perfect person that we neglect to see the people around us who would still make us happier than we’ve ever been, even if they aren’t what we envisioned? I tend to notice girls doing this more than guys. And there are reasons for that. Girls have been spoiled by fictional characters such as Edward Cullen. Ask any girl who they’d marry if they could marry anybody and almost 95% of them will respond with: Edward followed by a heavy sigh and a dreamy look on their face. So many girls are hoping to find their personal Edward that they will skip over great guys in their quest to find him. And it’s not just fictional characters, and it’s not just girls that do this. Guys become so enthralled by actresses like Megan Fox that they can’t possibly imagine a girl as wonderful as her, and because of that, they will not see the amazing girls that are standing right in front of them.

I guess what I’m getting at is this: Do too many of us have our sights set to high when it comes to who we will date? Are we so infatuated with the thought of a perfect person who likely doesn’t exist that we will ignore other people in the hopes that, one day, that thought will become reality? I truly hope not. As much as I’d like to meet and marry the person I have perfected in my mind, I know that it’s highly unlikely that I ever will.

What does everyone else think? Do you have an idea of the perfect person for you? What are some of their qualities? Share them with us. Let’s try to get a discussion going.

What if...

Have you ever thought about how your life would be different if you didn't grow up in the religion you did? I never really have, but a good friend of mine asked me that exact question a while back and it got me thinking. What would my life be like if I wasn't LDS? Would I still have the same morals and values I have now? Would I smoke or drink? Would I be covered in tattoos and piercings? What religion would I be? What type of people would I date?

I honestly don't know. I'm pretty sure I can answer a few of these questions, such as the smoking one. Smoking is stupid no matter what religion you are. And I'm pretty sure I would not be covered in tattoos and piercings. (That's not to say that I wouldn't have one or two of each.) But as for dating? I'm really not sure. As it is, I don't just date LDS girls. In fact, my high school girlfriend was Catholic. I think that, even if I didn't grow up LDS, I would still try to date upstanding girls rather than trashy, skanky ones. There's just something really attractive about a girl who cares about who she is and what she stands for, LDS or not.

But, I do think it would be a little bit more... freeing to not have to limit myself to marrying only LDS girls. I can think of several non-LDS girls I've met that I would gladly date, but I don't simply because of the fact that we would not be able to get married in The Temple. And I'm not trying to say that I want to marry outside of the church, nor that I plan to. But, there are a lot more options for marriage when you broaden your dating horizons.

What do you all think? What would your life be like if you weren't LDS? (Or if you weren't the religion you are?) What would you do differently with your life?

I Want To Be Loved...

Love is probably one of the most mystifying forces in the Universe. It can be given freely, but not taken forcefully. When you do give it away, you are not always guaranteed anything in return. When it is given away and returned, it continues to grow and grow in strength. It can be given to anybody you feel is deserving of it, but it cannot be easily taken back. It will cause people to do things they never thought possible and say things that they never knew they had the words to express. It is completely intangible, but is felt all the time by those who have received it.

What is it about love that is so intoxicating to the human race? What is it that will cause us to go to any length to find and be with the person we love? Why do we continue to throw ourselves back in front of the oncoming train that is the dating scene in the hopes that we will find someone who has the same feelings of passion that we have for them?

The path to true, irrefutable love is a steep, rocky climb that cannot be circumvented or bypassed no matter how much we would like to. Despite how easy it looks, you cannot reach the pinnacle of the mountain that is love without supreme determination and a few cuts and bruises.

There is no greater high in the world than the feeling you get when the person you would die for tells you that they feel the same way about you. The word “love” is thrown around very carelessly these days, but the actual feeling of love is much, much harder to give someone. When two people are in love, it is like they are constantly putting themselves out on a precarious ledge knowing that, should they fall, the other person will always be there to catch them, comfort and hold them, and place their feet back on solid, secure ground.

Love will not tolerate doubt; the two concepts are polar opposites of each other and cannot be together. One will always destroy the other.

Sorry, I’m feeling rather poetic today for some reason. Let’s see, how can I wrap this up? How about this: To all my readers, share your thoughts on love with me, be they positive or negative. It doesn’t even have to be feelings about relationships, just love in general.