Love Is Not A Four Letter Word

Love seems to be a topic that my friends and I talk about quite a lot. We don't have deep discussions about it, but it does seem to come up in our conversations quite a bit, whether it be because someone is in a new relationship and we're asking about it, or because someone is freshly single and we're comforting them. Either way, the topic of love is going to come up when you and your friends are single and actively engaged in the dating scene. It makes me wonder why the word 'love' is such a tender topic for some people.

You all know my thoughts on love, so I'm not going to get into that today. Well, at least not as in depth and poetic as I have in the past. I'm going to try to speak plainly today.

Most of my friends are in a relationship of some kind right now. I look at them and their significant other and I wonder if the two of them know how the other one feels about them. If one of them loves the other, have they told them? If they have, how did the other person respond? Was the feeling reciprocated? Or did the other person not really feel that way quite yet?

That brings me back to the word 'love' being such a tender topic for people. Why is it such a bad thing for someone to tell someone else that they love them? If you feel that you love someone, you should tell them. Not doing so could end up haunting you for the rest of your life. You'll be left with a 'what if' and there's nothing more maddening than having an unanswered question looming over you like the sword of Damocles. Just remember, the word 'love' isn't meant to be bandied about and said to just anyone. If you're going to tell someone you love them, I really hope that you mean it. Those four letters could be a turning point in your relationship and if you don't really mean them when you say them, it's probably going to lead to someone getting hurt, which you don't want.

I guess that I can see why someone wouldn't want to break out the 'L' word in a relationship. (No, I don't mean 'lesbian' or 'lesbians'.) When you tell someone that you love them you're putting yourself out on the edge and hoping that you don't fall. You can't go any higher than telling someone you love them. I suppose you could say that you really love them, but it all means the same thing. Anyway, it can be a bit scary making a huge leap like that in a relationship, especially if you're the first one to say it.

There are people on both ends of the spectrum. There's the people that say 'I love you' early on in a relationship. Those are the people who I feel don't really mean it. I honestly don't think you can really love someone until you've been with them for a while, because you don't really know them that early on. You may really like that person, but it takes time to really love them. Then there's the people who wait to say it until they really feel it. They want to be sure of the feeling before they express it. They may know that they love someone early on, but they want to be sure that the feeling is right before they say it. In my opinion, those people are the smart ones. It's like I already said; when you say it and don't really mean it, someone is going to get hurt.

I guess I'll wrap this up now, although it doesn't feel like I really made a very definite point here. Oh well. I guess sometimes it's good to just ramble on about things. I'll leave you with a question or two: How many of you have told someone you loved them and meant it? How many of you have said it and not had it returned?

Say What You Mean & Mean What You Say

So, over the past few days I had a sudden realization. It has to do with girls and the things they say without realizing the implications in what they’re saying.

First off, let me just ask this: Why can’t girls ever just say what is on their mind? They always seem to feel the need to speak cryptically so that nobody really understands the point they’re trying to get across. It kind of ties back to what I said a while ago about dating in high school: Simply asking someone out is never enough. It always has to be some big ordeal. Girls continue that after high school only, instead of just applying it to dating, they apply it to everything they do and say. A girl can never just tell you “No, I’m not interested in you that way.” They will try to give you subtle hints (spoken or unspoken) that we guys are supposed to pick up on and piece together, which can take weeks. (Months, perhaps?) It would make life so much easier, albeit more painful sometimes, if a girl could just speak her mind. Yes, hearing the truth put so bluntly might be hard to take, but it will be easier to get over the girl that way. When you lead us around by the nose forever trying to tell us you don’t like us without actually telling us, it makes it so much harder to get over you. I’ve seen it dozens of times in my friends and in personal experience.

Anyway, that’s not what I really wanted to talk to you about today. Well, it sort of is, but not really. I was letting my mind wander a few nights ago and came up with one phrase that many girls say that really cheeses me off. That phrase is: “You’re such a great guy, Bob*. One day you’re going to make some girl really happy.” There are several variations on this phrase. They might say: “You’re such a great guy, Bob*. Girls just need to realize that.” Now, this may seem like a harmless platitude, but there’s a world of meaning behind it. When a girl says “One day you’re going to make some girl really happy” what they’re really saying is “I don’t like you, but maybe you’ll find someone eventually… someone other than me… maybe.” When they say “girls just need to realize that” they’re really saying “You’re a great friend to me, but I don’t think I could ever see myself dating you. Try someone else”. Do you see what I mean about the deeper meaning behind what they’re saying? These phrases are harsh and cut through a guy like a chainsaw through butter, although the girl will not usually realize it.

So, what does everyone else think? Am I wrong, or am I spot on?

*Note: The names have been changed to protect the innocent.