Why Return Missionaries Have Ruined the Dating Scene in Utah

That’s right; I’m attacking return missionaries in this post. Why, you ask? Because it’s about flogging time that somebody did. I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t like return missionaries, because that’s not true. Most of my best friends are return missionaries, my older brother is one, and my younger brother is going to be in just 5 short months. I think return missionaries are great, but they have made life hard for those of us that didn’t serve missions. I know you probably think I’m being spiteful, and I am, sort of, but with good reason, so hear me out.

Let’s take the average missionary returning home after their 2 years of service. Hopefully, you’ve performed admirably on your mission and will be released with honor. Now you start into your “normal” life, but it’s not going to be normal really, not if you live in Utah. You’ve just become a celebrity. People are going to see you and raise you up on a pedestal high above anyone or anything else. But, it’s not your fault. I’d like to emphasize that here. Return missionaries don’t ask for the praise and adoration they receive, but they’re going to get it whether they want it or not; which is why it’s not their fault that they’ve ruined the dating scene here in Utah.

Anyway, I need to tie this into dating. When I talk about RMs getting praise and adoration from everyone they come across, I mean EVERYONE. Especially young women. Young women of the LDS church have been taught from an early age that they are supposed to marry a young return missionary as soon as they possibly can. It’s been drummed into their heads so much that they don’t even realize how biased and uppity they have become where dating is concerned. If you read my blog regularly, you’ll remember the story I told about two people meeting in a grocery store, dating for a while, and then finding out they are from two different religions. The same thing happens within the LDS religion. A girl and a guy could meet randomly in, oh, let’s say they meet at a movie theater. They talk for a while, find out that both are LDS and become totally infatuated with each other. (We’re going to pretend that the topic of a mission didn’t come up at all. Yes, I know that’s really pushing it.) The two exchange phone numbers and begin courtship. They go on a couple of dates which only increase the feelings of like they have for each other. They talk together on the phone when they’re not together and find out that they have tons of stuff in common with each other. (Yes, we’re still pretending that they haven’t mentioned missions yet. Impossibility, I know, but this is my story.) One night the two decide to watch a movie. The girl chooses “The RM” and pops it in. About 30 seconds into the opening credits, the girl turns to the guy and asks in as innocent a voice as she can: “Speaking of missions, where did you serve on yours?” The guy looks uncomfortable as he replies with: “Oh, I… I didn’t go on a mission.” The girl immediately pulls away from under his arm and stares accusingly at him. At that point, the relationship is over. She just can’t be with a man who didn’t dedicate 2 years of his life to serving. It doesn’t matter how valid of a reason the guy gives her, she can’t be with him. The guy will leave her house that night single once again and will likely never see the girl again, no matter how much he wants to.

Before everyone asks, no, this didn’t happen to me. I doubt it has ever happened exactly like that to any guy, and there’s a good reason why. LDS girls living in Utah will never let a relationship get past the first date without finding out where a guy served his mission. Some won’t even let the relationship get past “Hi, my name is so-and-so” before they ask him about his mission. I’d also like to take a moment to point out that it’s not always the girl’s choice to think and feel the way they do about RMs. I’ve already said that they’ve had it pounded into their heads since they were old enough to stand. No, most girls aren’t that judgmental on their own. They have their parents to thank for making them so shallow.

In my experience, it doesn’t matter how great a guy is, the girl will still reject him if he didn’t serve a mission. A guy could be a Nobel Prize winner and, unless he served, he still wouldn’t have a chance with a Utah LDS girl. And, according to friends who live elsewhere, it really is just the LDS girls in Utah who feel this way.

Anyway, I’d better wrap this up before it gets any longer. I’ll just end by saying this: Girls; learn to step outside the confines that have been placed in your mind by family and church leaders and try to see a guy for who he really is, mission or no. You never know when you’re going to pass up a great guy who could have made you happier than you ever have or will have been just because you can’t see past the menial fact that he didn’t serve a mission. Also, if you find out that a guy you like didn’t serve a mission, don’t judge by that. Ask questions as to why he didn’t. You may find out that a mission wouldn’t have worked for him.

And that’s where I’ll end today. Sorry this post is so long, but it’s a subject I feel strongly about. Let me know how you feel about it in the comments.