A Rant Without A Moral

Hey! It’s me! I’m still alive; I’ve just been on vacation, which is why there haven’t been any posts in over a week. But, I’ve got a great rant for you today. (At least, I think it’s good.) Here it goes:

There are two things about myself that I know for certain. First, I like to listen to my music really, really loud. It’s great when I’ve got my stereo blasting in my car or my room. I like not being able to hear anything but the guitar riffs or bass lines pounding in my ears. Second, I’ve never met anyone who has worse luck with girls than me. I’ve struck out more times than I can count. Heck, I’ve even struck out before I even got up to bat, if you can believe it, and that’s really hard to do. You’re probably saying something along the lines of: “Hey, Bryson, you should be positive about things like this.” And you’re right, I should be. And, deep down, there’s a part of me that is. Otherwise I wouldn’t keep throwing myself out in front of the oncoming train that is known as dating. I’m really of two minds when it comes to dating. Part of me absolutely hates everything about it. I hate repeatedly putting myself out on a pedestal for girls to see as if I were some sort of oddity up for auction that will get bid on by one girl who will win, then get tired of me after a couple of months of looking at me on her mantle and who will then throw me out on the curb with the rest of her trash. Then, there’s the part of me that loves dating. I love going on a first date with a girl and getting to spend time alone with her, learning things about her that I would never have known if I hadn’t had the nerve to approach her in the supermarket that day I was out of milk and ask her out. (No, that never actually happened. *)

Any time I decide that I’m going to ask a girl out, there’s a fight inside me between these two sides of my mind. The side that likes dating will argue that I’ll have a good time on the date and that things might work out with the girl while the side that detests dating will point out that the last time “things worked out with the girl” they really didn’t and I became depressed for 2 months. (That didn’t happen either. **) Usually though, the side that likes dating will win the fight and I’ll ask the girl out. Now, whether that part of me was right or not is another thing; which brings me back to the start of my rant. I’ve never met anyone who has worse luck than me with girls. It’s not that I can’t get a date; it’s that, usually, when I do, the girl lets me know that it will be the only one we ever go on. The reasons that girls will come up with as to why they will never go on a date with me again are either really ridiculous or funny, or they’re really hurtful. Hurtful happens more often than ridiculous or funny, which might explain why I end up in a foul mood after a date so many times. (That’s an exaggeration. ***)

Hmmm… I usually have some way to wrap this all up, but today I don’t. This really was just a rant. Well, thanks for listening to me. It felt good to get that off my chest.

(* I was actually out of eggs.)

(** It was probably longer than that.)

(*** No, it’s not.)

House Cleaning

Have you ever seen the movie “Hitch”? If you haven’t, I highly recommend going out and renting it. It’s one of my favorite romantic comedies, and also the source of the subject I’d like to talk about today. In the movie the main character (played by Will Smith) is a dating consultant. He helps guys win over the hearts of the girls they are in love with. There is one line that Will says that really stands out to me. When he introduces himself to his clients he always starts by saying: “Basic principles – No matter what, no matter when, no matter who… any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.” This is the line I’d like to talk about today.

Is it true? Does any guy in the world have a chance to be with any girl in the world? I’m sure that if the guy really, really tries to get the girl, he could be with any girl he chooses. But, can he do it without lying? Despite how much I like the movie, it seems that Will’s character helps his clients win over women by coaching them on how to lie properly. I’m not talking about big lies, but rather the little things. He has them dress and act differently than is normal for them, he teaches them to say things they would never normally say, and has them do things that are not normal. Basically, he teaches them to be someone that they are not, which is where I begin to have a problem with the concept. When a girl falls for you because you are acting like something that you’re not, there’s going to be problems with the relationship later on. She’s eventually going to find out what you’re really like and then one of two things will happen. Either she will still love you and will continue to love you for whom you really are, or she will be infuriated that you lied to her and will leave you. It’s my opinion that the latter will happen more often than not. Nobody likes to be lied to, especially girls. It makes them feel betrayed.

So, how can any guy win over any girl without lying? Is it even possible? I know that there are lots of us in the world that would like to believe that it is, but there must be certain points where it’s just not. How do we know when we’ve reached that point, though? Is there going to be something that the girl says or does that will clue us in to whether we’ve missed the chance to sweep them off their feet? What if, when we attempt to sweep, it turns out that we’ve used the wrong broom? Do we then need to break out a vacuum instead? When I really look at the quote in question, I notice that there are certain… restrictions implicit in it. Notice that it says “…has a chance” not “…has several chances”. That implies that we have one, and only one, chance to sweep the girl up. So, what do we do if we blow that chance? Would you even know if you already have? You may think that you’re just barely attempting to sweep up a certain girl, but she may have already decided that you’ve failed because of something that you did (or didn’t do) in the past. Time travel hasn’t been invented yet, so there’s no real way to go back and change whatever it is that has colored her opinion of you. But, are there ways to change the color of that opinion to a more pleasing hue? If there is, it’s probably an uphill battle and will take some time and patience, but if you really like the girl, it’ll probably be worth it.

This, I guess, is what it all really boils down to. If you really like a girl, you should be willing to do whatever it takes to win her heart, as long as you remain truthful with her. And girls, you should be willing to like a guy for who he is. Don’t force us to pretend to be something we’re not just to get your attention. That’s not fair to us. What does everyone else think about this? Comments, please.

Where Has The Love Gone?

Someone told me that I should rephrase my question that I asked in the last post. So, here I go. I shouldn’t be asking why it’s so hard to fall in love. For some people, that’s apparently easy. What I should be asking is: Why is it so hard to stay in love?

When you first fall in love with somebody the feelings are all new and fresh. Everything that person does is wonderful to you and every second you’re with them, it’s like magic. You want to call them up all the time just so you can talk to them and hear what they have to say. When you’re apart from that person, it’s like there’s a constant rain cloud hanging over you that will only go away when you see that person again. When you’re with that person, you always want to be in contact with them, whether it’s by holding hands, or by putting your arm around their shoulder or just holding them while they doze in your lap. You think that you could never be happier than in those moments when you see that other person smile. But, each time you see them, you feel happier than the last time. You’re willing to go to any lengths just to be near that person. Have I made my point?

So, what happens in a relationship that diminishes those feelings? If you feel so incredibly in love with another person, how is it that you can suddenly not care for them anymore? It’s a question that I’d really like answered, because it’s kept me up at night more often than I’d care to admit. How can you go from loving everything about a person to not wanting to be near them? When you’re in love, you tell everything to the other person. The thought of ever lying to them never even crosses your mind. Yet, when those feelings are gone, you find yourself telling those untruths more and more often. The more you do, the further apart you grow from that person.

How does it happen? Is it just a gradual diminishing of love, or does it just go away all at once? Honestly, I have no idea, so I’m really going to need some input here. Leave a comment with your thoughts.

Why Can't This Be Love?

Once again, I feel like ranting today. But, it’s not going to be as accusatory as the last few times. Well, at least not accusing to just one person or gender. This is directed at the world as a whole.

I’m just going to ask this question as bluntly as I can. Why is falling in love so freaking hard?! I’m not talking about the feelings of infatuation that you get when you see a cute girl. (Or guy for my female readers.) Falling in like is easy. I’m talking about actual, honest to goodness love. I’m talking about the deep kind of love that you only feel for someone when you truly know them and know that you love them. Why is it so hard to reach that point? I can think of only one relationship that I’ve been in where I’ve actually felt those extreme feelings of love for the person. Sadly, the person didn’t feel the same way about me, which is my point today. How can two people be together and only one of the people really love the other? It just doesn’t make sense to me. Why is it so hard to find someone who you truly love and who truly loves you back? In my experience it’s either one person or the other who feels that way, not both of them.

I’ve said before that I attend a singles ward. At church on Sunday, there are always people there with their “sweetheart”. I look at these couples and I have to wonder if either of the two really feels deep feelings of love for the other. If they do, I wonder what it is about the other person that makes them feel that way. How do we know when we really, truly love another person? Is there a certain, exact moment in time where you know? Or is it just a gradual feeling you get over time? Either way, when you come to the realization that you have these feelings, what do you do? How do you let the other person know that you really love them besides just saying “I love you”? I’m not that saying “I love you” isn’t a good way to express those feelings, but there must be some better way to get across to the other person that you don’t just love them, but that you love them to the point that it hurts to be apart from them. Do you just sit down with the person and tell them your feelings? If so, how do you put in words what you’re feeling? What can we say to this person so that they know, really know, that you love everything about them and that every time you see them, those feelings intensify? (Note: I’m still talking about love here, not obsession. There is a major difference between these two feelings. With love, you want to be with that person and want them to feel the same on their own. Obsession is more of a controlling feeling. You want to make that person love you and are willing to go to any length to force them to.) Also, on that same track, what do you do when you tell the person how you feel and they let you know that they just don’t feel that strongly about you? Do you just break things off then and there? Or do you wait to see if the person will start to feel the same way as you? I think that if the feelings you have for them are as real as you say they are, the answer should be obvious, but maybe I’m wrong.

All in all it just seems totally overcomplicated. I don’t know if I’m just exaggerating the whole thing, or if other people feel the same way about it. So, leave a comment and share your thoughts on falling in love.

Say What You Mean & Mean What You Say

So, over the past few days I had a sudden realization. It has to do with girls and the things they say without realizing the implications in what they’re saying.

First off, let me just ask this: Why can’t girls ever just say what is on their mind? They always seem to feel the need to speak cryptically so that nobody really understands the point they’re trying to get across. It kind of ties back to what I said a while ago about dating in high school: Simply asking someone out is never enough. It always has to be some big ordeal. Girls continue that after high school only, instead of just applying it to dating, they apply it to everything they do and say. A girl can never just tell you “No, I’m not interested in you that way.” They will try to give you subtle hints (spoken or unspoken) that we guys are supposed to pick up on and piece together, which can take weeks. (Months, perhaps?) It would make life so much easier, albeit more painful sometimes, if a girl could just speak her mind. Yes, hearing the truth put so bluntly might be hard to take, but it will be easier to get over the girl that way. When you lead us around by the nose forever trying to tell us you don’t like us without actually telling us, it makes it so much harder to get over you. I’ve seen it dozens of times in my friends and in personal experience.

Anyway, that’s not what I really wanted to talk to you about today. Well, it sort of is, but not really. I was letting my mind wander a few nights ago and came up with one phrase that many girls say that really cheeses me off. That phrase is: “You’re such a great guy, Bob*. One day you’re going to make some girl really happy.” There are several variations on this phrase. They might say: “You’re such a great guy, Bob*. Girls just need to realize that.” Now, this may seem like a harmless platitude, but there’s a world of meaning behind it. When a girl says “One day you’re going to make some girl really happy” what they’re really saying is “I don’t like you, but maybe you’ll find someone eventually… someone other than me… maybe.” When they say “girls just need to realize that” they’re really saying “You’re a great friend to me, but I don’t think I could ever see myself dating you. Try someone else”. Do you see what I mean about the deeper meaning behind what they’re saying? These phrases are harsh and cut through a guy like a chainsaw through butter, although the girl will not usually realize it.

So, what does everyone else think? Am I wrong, or am I spot on?

*Note: The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

This Is Cursed! That Is Cursed!

Today I’d like to kind of go off on a different tangent. It will still apply to dating, but more to me personally. It’s not going to be a rant, but it is something I have issues with. And it’s probably something that I can’t actually do anything about.

For quite some time now, I’ve wondered why I have such terrible luck with girls. I just can’t seem to make a relationship work out to its fullest extent. This is not to say that I immediately fail at all my relationships, quite the contrary. I’ve had a couple of relationships that lasted for well over a year. But, they always seem to just end, and I have no idea why. And it’s not just long term relationships that I have troubles with. It’s all of them. I can’t seem to succeed when it comes to the wide world of dating. I could be on a first date with a girl, and she’ll be telling me how we would never work out. As she’s telling me this, all I can think of is: “How do you know that? We’ve only just met ten minutes ago! How can you be so sure that we’ll not work?” And it hasn’t happened just once. It’s happened many, many times. For the longest time I figured that there must be something about my appearance or demeanor that girls can see that tells them that the two of us wouldn’t work out. Maybe I have a big label on my forehead that says “Scalawag” or “No-good-nik” that is stamped in ink that only a female eye can see. (I can’t believe I just used the words scalawag and no-good-nik.) It really does baffle me that so many gals can all agree that I’m not dateable. But, it all makes sense now, thanks to my friend linking this with a story of mine from a past job.

Several years ago I worked at Target. I was hired right around the beginning of October to work in the electronics department, which meant that I was also expected to work in the seasonal area. During my first week of work, while I was still being trained, an older Romanian couple approached me (yes, I know they were Romanian because of the accent they had) and asked me if we had any more of a certain item in stock. The item was one of those fiber optic figurines that have little pinpoints of light that change color. This one was of a pumpkin with a scarecrow hat. I checked the inventory in the stockroom, but couldn’t find any more of the pumpkin. The wife asked if we had any at our other stores. I checked and, no, we didn’t have any of them anywhere. When I told her this, the old woman became angry. She raised her hand, pointed a crooked finger at me, and began speaking harshly in Romanian. When she finished, she brought her hand down quickly and spat to her side. Then she and her husband left.

That’s right; this little old lady put a curse on me over a light up figurine. Ever since then, I’ve been worried that I’m going to mysteriously drop dead for no reason. It wasn’t until a couple of days ago that I was enlightened by my friend. There were several of us sitting around sharing stories about work and such. I told the story I’ve just told you. One of my friends pointed out that the old woman’s curse must be what’s causing my terrible luck with women. And it makes sense. I can just imagine it. A girl and I have been dating for a while and are getting serious. Then, the girl has a dream one night in which the old woman warns them that if they continue to date me, they will be cursed forever! So, the girl breaks up with me.

It may not be true, but it does help explain my horrendous luck. What do you all think?